2018

I haven't posted in too long! I keep thinking, I'll find some time soon, and then I never do. So this might be short and disjointed but better than nothing!

Christmas came and went and so did the new year. I was exhausted with all the family gatherings and the super last minute shopping. I was out shopping the 23rd still. It was... Gah. But I was glad to see my brother and he met baby Isaac! They really connected, it was very cute.

I decided to start the new year with a clean financial slate, so I used my savings to pay off the credit cards. I set up to do a new budget for the house and did a frugality challenge for January. I set up to not eat out for a month, which was haaaaard but I made it! I'm working on my savings, which were decimated by 2017 and working for family. I'm taking a class on investing in stocks, and enjoying it! I'm also fully back to work, doing a couple of projects and the consulting thing for the construction company. Which means I can better plan our spending since I have an income again.

Last month was a fraught time while I searched for a preschool for Peanut. Turns out we can't really afford to pay for two preschools. Cookie really wanted a montessori but it was too much, we could not afford to have two kids in any of them in two years. We could barely afford one kid. So.. I visited 8 schools and called a bunch more. It was exhausting. In the end we decided for a mixed method school, it's run by a non profit, so the costs are mostly symbolic. We ended deciding against public school because the classes were packed, but it was our second choice. That consumed a lot of my time and energy last month, and put me and Cookie at odds. He doesn't enjoy talking about money and all of his nephews attend his childhood school, which was the montessori we definitely couldn't afford. My father in law offered to help pay for part of Peanut's tuition there, but that just made things worse...

In any case, I went and signed Peanut up at his new (super hippie) school yesterday. We haven't said anything to my in-laws about it yet and I suspect they won't be thrilled about our choice but I'm happy with the school and we are comfortable with the tuition. And I think that kind of peace is worth a bit of family drama.

My anxiety is quiet for now, though I'm a bit depressed just in general. Cookie and I are a bit disconnected, which makes me sad, but I'm so tired all the time... It's hard to make time for us. He will be out of town for work next week so we'll be apart for Valentine's. It's no big deal but still... I wish we could reconnect and I wish I felt normal and not like I'm barely making it every day.

I know this feeling won't last. Everything is in flux right now. Baby Oz is starting to eat solids, and turning 6 months tomorrow. He's so big, and so happy. We just need to be kind to each other and wait until the kids need us a bit less. It will happen. And I will miss my babies.