This heaaaaat, my God. It's been 40°C all of last week and it looks like all of this wee will be 38°C and up. It's horrible, I don't know what I expected but pregnancy and this heat wave is just awful, I never feel dehydrated, but my pressure drops and I get nauseated. I know now that *that's* how dehydration is looking right now, so I'm drinking quite a lot of Gatorade. I know it's not optimal, but plain water doesn't get my pressure up and electrolytes taste horrible.
Work is EXACTLY the same as it was two weeks ago. Construction still not finished (I hope this is the last week). Still waiting for the engineer to send me the house calculations to finish that project. The vineyard is going very slowly - that one is entirely my fault. I got obsessed with the cleaning and decluttering and didn't work on it very much the past two weeks. My kitchen is looking amazing though! So open! I have done about half of Peanut and Oz's closet, and half the pantry too. My desk and the laundry, though, remain awful.
We had to fix our water pump last week and I had to buy a new washer. Mine broke again for the second time in six months and the repair was half what a refurbished one was, so... Screw it. The new washer is pretty awesome but it's been an expensive couple of weeks.
Potty training had a bit of a curve ball last week, with Peanut having a regression and deciding not tell us when he had to use the potty. But we seem to be back on track and we have had two nights of dry diapers, so perhaps we can transition to NO DIAPERS AT ALL in the next few weeks! That would be pretty cool. I am super proud of Baby Peanut, he has been a champ through all of the training and it hasn't been anywhere as painful as I thought it would be.
I am flirting with getting the Marie Kondo book but I fear I will go crazy with the de clutter given how strong my nesting is going already. But.. It sounds like something that I would love so much!
For the past month or so I have been doing some lactation consultations! All for free, obviously, since I don't have any certifications. I have enjoyed them a lot! So far only with two women, but one of them is a very young single mom and she needs a lot of reassurance, so we keep in touch and talk about her progress and problems a lot. It has been really rewarding helping other moms! And a great reminder that the first eight weeks of a baby are No Joke. I hope baby Oz and I have a smooth breastfeeding start. I hope baby Oz is healthy and all goes well. I am scared. But all that is left to do is wait.
It recently occurred to me that this might be my last pregnancy. I would like to have at least another baby, but... Who knows. I'm scared and hope everything goes well at the birth and that we can add to our family in a couple of years again but who knows if we will be able to. One of our friends is undergoing fertility treatments to try and conceive for the first time. We are crossing our fingers for them. This is such a rocky road... Who knows what's in store for all of us. I hope I can enjoy and connect with baby Oz instead of going through so many months of PPD like with Peanut. Time goes by so fast, I can't believe Peanut is already a toddler.
lunes, 19 de junio de 2017
viernes, 9 de junio de 2017
The state of this anxious mind
I'm starting to feel like there is no more time for anything. The baby will be here in 10 weeks, at most. Work is not finished or close to, so I'm thinking about dropping whatever is left. But then... I am so broke, it's been a couple of expensive months between baby preparations and our trip to the beach. I don't know what to do!
The master and building plans for a house I designed last year are almost done, at least. I am waiting on some info from the client, and from plans from the engineers. But my part is pretty much done, at least. That only leaves my brother's construction which is.. Going OK but just not ending in time, and the restaurant/vineyard protect. This is the one I'm thinking of dropping. I hope I can ramp up my productivity the next two weeks or so. Whatever is left after that... Well. I guess we'll see. I just wish could take a break!
I'm debating whether or not to have a baby shower. On the one hand, I don't really need much for this baby. On the other hand.. I feel a bit lousy not celebrating this baby too! If he was a girl I would probably have one, so... I kinda think I should plan something. My mom hates them so I feel awkward bringing it up. My friend P has offered help, so maybe I'll do the tacky thing and throw it myself with her help?
I bought a new car seat for Peanut this week so I can wash and prepare his old one for baby Oz. I also finally sent the designs to the carpenter for Peanut's bed and for baby Oz's side sleeper. I hope we'll get them soon! Other than getting those things, I think we are mostly set. Peanut's potty training is going fantastic. We barely have any accidents, he's wearing underwear all day now and there has been no drama. He just goes! I'm so glad he showed interest around the time we wanted to try and teach him. This should definitely teach me a lesson that it really is not about what I want but about what he is ready and willing to try.
Bedsharing has been uncomfortable lately. Peanut hugs me most of the night or just has to be touching me somehow to sleep calmly. Which is very sweet, but also hot and not easy, specially this pregnant. I don't really want to fight him for this, though. I guess he feels like he needs the extra reassurance, and he'll sleep on his own when he feels he can. His new bed will put his mattress just 10 cms below ours, so I think that will help.
Nesting this time around feels like a lot of cleaning and decluttering and organizing. I am almost done organizing our closet, which I feel has never looked better. I bought pregnancy clothes that fit *me*, instead of using everything borrowed. That has helped my mood! If I never wear them again it's okay. I accept this might just be a one summer wardrobe, but feeling frumpy and wearing big, not-me styles was getting me down. Next on my decluttering list is my desk (ngggghhhh), our laundry room (ngahhhhhhh) and Peanut's closet. Maybe our kitchen, if time allows. It probably won't, given the state of everything else :S
This pregnancy has also been a bit different in that I am not as hairy! Ha ha, no Chewbacca belly this time around. And the linea nigra is also much fainter. Still no stretch marks *crosses fingers* though so far I have put on 12.8 kg. Yikes.
I asked about the thesis revisions this week. I haven't heard anything from the school or my brother, despite seeing him pretty much everyday and getting his house-related texts a gazillion times a day, that oh yeah, they are bugging him about the finished projects. Like why haven't we turned them in. I got so frustrated!!! I haven't worked on it at all because we had a deadline and THEN we were supposed to get some input. I know I should still be working to finish it, I accept now that I probably won't finish it this year at all, but he could have at some point said "Hey, there is still time and they are expecting you to turn the finished project in the next two months" OR SOMETHING. When I said, well, so be it, I don't have time to finish it now, he was all "oh, you can still do it and send it to me in these next weeks". Hmmhnnmmhnmmm. Yeah no that's a) not a real deadline and b) I am swamped with work and so damn pregnant and I can't really write half a thesis in the "next weeks" however many weeks that might be. 2? 3? 6? Gah. I feel so frustrated and like such a failure. I know I'll get around it. Sometime. Probably next year, when Peanut starts kindergarten so baby Oz can stay with my mom. I don't know what work will look like for a while, with both babies in tow. I can't really leave them both with my mom, so. I assume I will stop working for a while, or at the very least take it very slow.
Things not unlike the first pregnancy? How scared I am for what the future will look like. It's weird, it's like mourning my current identity all over again. I didn't think it would be that different, but... The unknown is always scary. I am so excited for baby Oz though. I can't wait to meet you little one. Mommy loves you so much already.
The master and building plans for a house I designed last year are almost done, at least. I am waiting on some info from the client, and from plans from the engineers. But my part is pretty much done, at least. That only leaves my brother's construction which is.. Going OK but just not ending in time, and the restaurant/vineyard protect. This is the one I'm thinking of dropping. I hope I can ramp up my productivity the next two weeks or so. Whatever is left after that... Well. I guess we'll see. I just wish could take a break!
I'm debating whether or not to have a baby shower. On the one hand, I don't really need much for this baby. On the other hand.. I feel a bit lousy not celebrating this baby too! If he was a girl I would probably have one, so... I kinda think I should plan something. My mom hates them so I feel awkward bringing it up. My friend P has offered help, so maybe I'll do the tacky thing and throw it myself with her help?
I bought a new car seat for Peanut this week so I can wash and prepare his old one for baby Oz. I also finally sent the designs to the carpenter for Peanut's bed and for baby Oz's side sleeper. I hope we'll get them soon! Other than getting those things, I think we are mostly set. Peanut's potty training is going fantastic. We barely have any accidents, he's wearing underwear all day now and there has been no drama. He just goes! I'm so glad he showed interest around the time we wanted to try and teach him. This should definitely teach me a lesson that it really is not about what I want but about what he is ready and willing to try.
Bedsharing has been uncomfortable lately. Peanut hugs me most of the night or just has to be touching me somehow to sleep calmly. Which is very sweet, but also hot and not easy, specially this pregnant. I don't really want to fight him for this, though. I guess he feels like he needs the extra reassurance, and he'll sleep on his own when he feels he can. His new bed will put his mattress just 10 cms below ours, so I think that will help.
Nesting this time around feels like a lot of cleaning and decluttering and organizing. I am almost done organizing our closet, which I feel has never looked better. I bought pregnancy clothes that fit *me*, instead of using everything borrowed. That has helped my mood! If I never wear them again it's okay. I accept this might just be a one summer wardrobe, but feeling frumpy and wearing big, not-me styles was getting me down. Next on my decluttering list is my desk (ngggghhhh), our laundry room (ngahhhhhhh) and Peanut's closet. Maybe our kitchen, if time allows. It probably won't, given the state of everything else :S
This pregnancy has also been a bit different in that I am not as hairy! Ha ha, no Chewbacca belly this time around. And the linea nigra is also much fainter. Still no stretch marks *crosses fingers* though so far I have put on 12.8 kg. Yikes.
I asked about the thesis revisions this week. I haven't heard anything from the school or my brother, despite seeing him pretty much everyday and getting his house-related texts a gazillion times a day, that oh yeah, they are bugging him about the finished projects. Like why haven't we turned them in. I got so frustrated!!! I haven't worked on it at all because we had a deadline and THEN we were supposed to get some input. I know I should still be working to finish it, I accept now that I probably won't finish it this year at all, but he could have at some point said "Hey, there is still time and they are expecting you to turn the finished project in the next two months" OR SOMETHING. When I said, well, so be it, I don't have time to finish it now, he was all "oh, you can still do it and send it to me in these next weeks". Hmmhnnmmhnmmm. Yeah no that's a) not a real deadline and b) I am swamped with work and so damn pregnant and I can't really write half a thesis in the "next weeks" however many weeks that might be. 2? 3? 6? Gah. I feel so frustrated and like such a failure. I know I'll get around it. Sometime. Probably next year, when Peanut starts kindergarten so baby Oz can stay with my mom. I don't know what work will look like for a while, with both babies in tow. I can't really leave them both with my mom, so. I assume I will stop working for a while, or at the very least take it very slow.
Things not unlike the first pregnancy? How scared I am for what the future will look like. It's weird, it's like mourning my current identity all over again. I didn't think it would be that different, but... The unknown is always scary. I am so excited for baby Oz though. I can't wait to meet you little one. Mommy loves you so much already.
viernes, 2 de junio de 2017
Leave it up to fate
I'm 29 weeks pregnant and debating whether to change doctors. I'm leaning towards no at this point but I think I need to check some options anyway. My doctor - she delivered Peanut- is not super behind the idea of having a vaginal birth after my last c section. I know I have a good chance at having a natural birth, so I really want to aim for one. She says I wouldn't be allowed to push on the third stage of labor and instead they would use forceps, which.. :/ I have read the VBAC guidelines and it's not indicated. I don't know.
On the other hand, this baby has turned already, but looks like his head is pretty big too. He might not engage. If he doesn't engage by the 39th week I think I will just go ahead and schedule the c-section as she recommended. I'm not sure of what to do at this point.
I'm feeling really tired most days, sleep isn't great in the third trimester. The heat is also not helping at all, it was awful all of last week. It's been raining a bit this week, so that's something. Baby Peanut sleeps in his bed some nights and some nights he doesn't. Last night he slept in my arms most of the night. It can be exhausting, even though I know this is not forever. He still wakes to ask for milk once at around 3 am. But now he wants to prepare his own bottle and will cry and scream bloody murder if we don't decipher what he wants. We are having a lot more tantrums. They last up to 45 minutes, it's rough. It's very hard to keep my cool sometimes, no matter how much respectful and gentle parenting means to me. He is so big and heavy too! These past few weeks I just can't carry him up in arms for very long. He's a bit over 34 inches tall and a bit over 28 lbs.
Potty training is going okay. I have moved on to putting him in cotton underwear and he has less accidents than with pull ups. He still sleeps in a diaper though. I think he wakes dry some mornings, but not all, and putting him in the toilet first thing in the morning is just not happening right now. He wakes up angry and we usually have a shortish tantrum when he wakes. A diaper a day is pretty great improvement though, so I take it!
He is also showering some days. Not all days, but sometimes he gathers enough courage to go in the shower in the afternoon. So that's good! I had given up for the time being but on Sundays he sees his cousins shower at my in laws' place and it encouraged him to try.
We have mostly settled on Isaac as this new baby's name. He's perfectly on track in weight and growth it seems, about 1.25 kg. I have put on 12.5kg so far :S I am counting calories and trying to be more mindful of what I eat because gahhh I am so swollen, I need to stop gaining so much weight :(
Two and a half months to go. Work hasn't let up and I am not close to finishing anything. Which worries me a bit. Not much time to rest. But I hope I can wrap things up in the next 5-6 weeks. I really need to rest and prepare for baby Ozzy's birth.
On the bright side, I just bought three maternity shirts. It makes me feel good to wear stuff that fits!
On the other hand, this baby has turned already, but looks like his head is pretty big too. He might not engage. If he doesn't engage by the 39th week I think I will just go ahead and schedule the c-section as she recommended. I'm not sure of what to do at this point.
I'm feeling really tired most days, sleep isn't great in the third trimester. The heat is also not helping at all, it was awful all of last week. It's been raining a bit this week, so that's something. Baby Peanut sleeps in his bed some nights and some nights he doesn't. Last night he slept in my arms most of the night. It can be exhausting, even though I know this is not forever. He still wakes to ask for milk once at around 3 am. But now he wants to prepare his own bottle and will cry and scream bloody murder if we don't decipher what he wants. We are having a lot more tantrums. They last up to 45 minutes, it's rough. It's very hard to keep my cool sometimes, no matter how much respectful and gentle parenting means to me. He is so big and heavy too! These past few weeks I just can't carry him up in arms for very long. He's a bit over 34 inches tall and a bit over 28 lbs.
Potty training is going okay. I have moved on to putting him in cotton underwear and he has less accidents than with pull ups. He still sleeps in a diaper though. I think he wakes dry some mornings, but not all, and putting him in the toilet first thing in the morning is just not happening right now. He wakes up angry and we usually have a shortish tantrum when he wakes. A diaper a day is pretty great improvement though, so I take it!
He is also showering some days. Not all days, but sometimes he gathers enough courage to go in the shower in the afternoon. So that's good! I had given up for the time being but on Sundays he sees his cousins shower at my in laws' place and it encouraged him to try.
We have mostly settled on Isaac as this new baby's name. He's perfectly on track in weight and growth it seems, about 1.25 kg. I have put on 12.5kg so far :S I am counting calories and trying to be more mindful of what I eat because gahhh I am so swollen, I need to stop gaining so much weight :(
Two and a half months to go. Work hasn't let up and I am not close to finishing anything. Which worries me a bit. Not much time to rest. But I hope I can wrap things up in the next 5-6 weeks. I really need to rest and prepare for baby Ozzy's birth.
On the bright side, I just bought three maternity shirts. It makes me feel good to wear stuff that fits!
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