I haven't posted in too long! I keep thinking, I'll find some time soon, and then I never do. So this might be short and disjointed but better than nothing!
Christmas came and went and so did the new year. I was exhausted with all the family gatherings and the super last minute shopping. I was out shopping the 23rd still. It was... Gah. But I was glad to see my brother and he met baby Isaac! They really connected, it was very cute.
I decided to start the new year with a clean financial slate, so I used my savings to pay off the credit cards. I set up to do a new budget for the house and did a frugality challenge for January. I set up to not eat out for a month, which was haaaaard but I made it! I'm working on my savings, which were decimated by 2017 and working for family. I'm taking a class on investing in stocks, and enjoying it! I'm also fully back to work, doing a couple of projects and the consulting thing for the construction company. Which means I can better plan our spending since I have an income again.
Last month was a fraught time while I searched for a preschool for Peanut. Turns out we can't really afford to pay for two preschools. Cookie really wanted a montessori but it was too much, we could not afford to have two kids in any of them in two years. We could barely afford one kid. So.. I visited 8 schools and called a bunch more. It was exhausting. In the end we decided for a mixed method school, it's run by a non profit, so the costs are mostly symbolic. We ended deciding against public school because the classes were packed, but it was our second choice. That consumed a lot of my time and energy last month, and put me and Cookie at odds. He doesn't enjoy talking about money and all of his nephews attend his childhood school, which was the montessori we definitely couldn't afford. My father in law offered to help pay for part of Peanut's tuition there, but that just made things worse...
In any case, I went and signed Peanut up at his new (super hippie) school yesterday. We haven't said anything to my in-laws about it yet and I suspect they won't be thrilled about our choice but I'm happy with the school and we are comfortable with the tuition. And I think that kind of peace is worth a bit of family drama.
My anxiety is quiet for now, though I'm a bit depressed just in general. Cookie and I are a bit disconnected, which makes me sad, but I'm so tired all the time... It's hard to make time for us. He will be out of town for work next week so we'll be apart for Valentine's. It's no big deal but still... I wish we could reconnect and I wish I felt normal and not like I'm barely making it every day.
I know this feeling won't last. Everything is in flux right now. Baby Oz is starting to eat solids, and turning 6 months tomorrow. He's so big, and so happy. We just need to be kind to each other and wait until the kids need us a bit less. It will happen. And I will miss my babies.
viernes, 9 de febrero de 2018
lunes, 27 de noviembre de 2017
Bringing shadows into light
Last night I told Cookie about my general anxiety, my feelings of being a fake, of not being a true adult. That I was terrified of thinking other people were fallible and thus there not being any absolute truths out there. No one "in charge". I talked extensively about my double think, how I project certainty and self control and dominion over any issues coming my way, while a big part of my brain just reaaaaally wishes someone would take charge and save me. Talked about how I see my dad (and his dad, and a bunch of other men) as God-Emperors incapable of failure. Not because I truly think they can't fail. I know they are human. But because acknowledgement of their humanity just ratchets my anxiety levels to a point I can't really function. A very large dose of doublethink is the only thing between me and debilitating fear right now.
He stared at me and asked many times if I was pulling his hair. I had to be joking. What did I mean I didn't think I was a grown up? How could I not see everyone could mess up?
Oh, I know people can mess up. So I rather not acknowledge they are people.
He looked horrified for a while. Not once while I was depressed and dealing with PPA did he suggest therapy. He suggested therapy last night. He thinks this is just too energy consuming for my brain - all the roundabout ways I have to think about stuff to avoid anxiety- to leave it alone. He gave me hugs, he wondered how it was possible that we had been together seven years and we hadn't noticed that I truly thought myself a fake.
The weirdest thing about last night is that I seriously don't think I'm that neurotic. I mean, yes. I know how little sense it makes to navigate the world a feminist and silently wish for a God-emperor to come save me. To have a massive chip on my shoulder and at the same time hope no one figures out I'm an impostor. Know it all and but never have any certainties. Proud and ashamed. Still... I can't believe other people don't doubt themselves like this. As terrifying as it is to think that other people are fallible, and that with their mistakes they might harm me and mine...
I felt really bad for Cookie. He really looked out of sorts. But it was good to talk about this stuff even as I hated feeling vulnerable. I said I last post I needed to confront these fears and I can't do it unless they are out in the open. I might just become an adult yet.
He stared at me and asked many times if I was pulling his hair. I had to be joking. What did I mean I didn't think I was a grown up? How could I not see everyone could mess up?
Oh, I know people can mess up. So I rather not acknowledge they are people.
He looked horrified for a while. Not once while I was depressed and dealing with PPA did he suggest therapy. He suggested therapy last night. He thinks this is just too energy consuming for my brain - all the roundabout ways I have to think about stuff to avoid anxiety- to leave it alone. He gave me hugs, he wondered how it was possible that we had been together seven years and we hadn't noticed that I truly thought myself a fake.
The weirdest thing about last night is that I seriously don't think I'm that neurotic. I mean, yes. I know how little sense it makes to navigate the world a feminist and silently wish for a God-emperor to come save me. To have a massive chip on my shoulder and at the same time hope no one figures out I'm an impostor. Know it all and but never have any certainties. Proud and ashamed. Still... I can't believe other people don't doubt themselves like this. As terrifying as it is to think that other people are fallible, and that with their mistakes they might harm me and mine...
I felt really bad for Cookie. He really looked out of sorts. But it was good to talk about this stuff even as I hated feeling vulnerable. I said I last post I needed to confront these fears and I can't do it unless they are out in the open. I might just become an adult yet.
domingo, 19 de noviembre de 2017
Transformations (and anxiety)
For the longest time I have thought about personal transformations like something out of an anime. You know, the magical girl twirling lights and wardrobe change, all very Sailor Moon-like. I know that makes aaaabsolutely no sense. But, I thought, someday that might happen to me, you know, I'll turn into and adult or an spiritual person or I'll find enlightening or whatever it is one is supposed to turn into and be a competent, self assured thirty something.
I'm struggling.
I guess everyone does. Probably everyone feels like a fake too. Which is really scary to think about, if everyone else is also just faking it.. Everything seems just so much more fallible. At least if it was only me faking it, the world would have some direction. But the world certainly looks like a dumpster fire right now, so...
I'm struggling with anxiety a lot. Again. Not in the same way as with Peanut, those first 9-10 months. I haven't had anxiety attacks. But these days I lay awake, worrying about war, about refugees, about nuclear bombs. Will my children have a chance to live in a better world than I? Will they grow up with fear, with war, displaced? I would do everything for them. Anything. I am terrified of the world. I don't feel like I can make a difference.
I think the only thing I have some power over (and even then, not as much as I wish/think) is their education. Trying to make them turn out right. Caring, self assured people. Empathic. Resilient. Brave.
But I am so afraid for them. I love them beyond what I thought was possible. Every cliche, every over used expression. They are my world, my motivation, my pride. My babies.
I never noticed any magical girl twirling transformation. Yet here I am, transformed. A mom. My heart out there, in the light of their eyes. Aching even when they laugh, because I know they will grow, that even in the best possible outcome, they don't belong to me. They belong to themselves, and they will never know that I can't never, ever, be who I was before them again. Never can my heart be whole inside my chest again. Motherhood is excruciating. It pulls me in every direction at once, full of joy and pride and fear and longing, sleepless and insecure.
But I am not who I was. Love is transformative. I am humbled and anxious, aware of the fears of my mother and of all the mothers before her. I am not as bold as I was. Not as certain. Was I ever certain? Less, then.
But I have also found connection. Sisterhood. Gentle looks and hundreds of benedictions. I think the phrase I hear most from strangers is "God keep your children". They mean it. I feel like the world is so much scarier, but people are so kind, too. I'm touched by how people don't think twice to offer me help. I was proud to be unapproachable and aloof, to have people fear me or feel uncomfortable in my company. It made me feel like I was better than them.
My insecurities made me a fool. I know they still do. I am terrified of how they will affect my kids. What my neuroses will do to them, how will they shape them. I must be better, confront these weaknesses, expose them to the light and see them for what they are. Childish justifications of character flaws. Nothing special, and in that they keep me from fully engaging with people, a great liability. I can't do this alone.
So... I don't know how to face these fears. They are so big, I can't really convince myself they are unwarranted. But I know post partum anxiety is real. I have been here before. Depression lurks around the corners. If I'm not tired enough to just pass out at night, they keep me up for hours. I hope writing about them helps me handle them, or at least normalizes them enough so I can talk about them freely so they don't become dark shadows around me and my kids.
I'm struggling.
I guess everyone does. Probably everyone feels like a fake too. Which is really scary to think about, if everyone else is also just faking it.. Everything seems just so much more fallible. At least if it was only me faking it, the world would have some direction. But the world certainly looks like a dumpster fire right now, so...
I'm struggling with anxiety a lot. Again. Not in the same way as with Peanut, those first 9-10 months. I haven't had anxiety attacks. But these days I lay awake, worrying about war, about refugees, about nuclear bombs. Will my children have a chance to live in a better world than I? Will they grow up with fear, with war, displaced? I would do everything for them. Anything. I am terrified of the world. I don't feel like I can make a difference.
I think the only thing I have some power over (and even then, not as much as I wish/think) is their education. Trying to make them turn out right. Caring, self assured people. Empathic. Resilient. Brave.
But I am so afraid for them. I love them beyond what I thought was possible. Every cliche, every over used expression. They are my world, my motivation, my pride. My babies.
I never noticed any magical girl twirling transformation. Yet here I am, transformed. A mom. My heart out there, in the light of their eyes. Aching even when they laugh, because I know they will grow, that even in the best possible outcome, they don't belong to me. They belong to themselves, and they will never know that I can't never, ever, be who I was before them again. Never can my heart be whole inside my chest again. Motherhood is excruciating. It pulls me in every direction at once, full of joy and pride and fear and longing, sleepless and insecure.
But I am not who I was. Love is transformative. I am humbled and anxious, aware of the fears of my mother and of all the mothers before her. I am not as bold as I was. Not as certain. Was I ever certain? Less, then.
But I have also found connection. Sisterhood. Gentle looks and hundreds of benedictions. I think the phrase I hear most from strangers is "God keep your children". They mean it. I feel like the world is so much scarier, but people are so kind, too. I'm touched by how people don't think twice to offer me help. I was proud to be unapproachable and aloof, to have people fear me or feel uncomfortable in my company. It made me feel like I was better than them.
My insecurities made me a fool. I know they still do. I am terrified of how they will affect my kids. What my neuroses will do to them, how will they shape them. I must be better, confront these weaknesses, expose them to the light and see them for what they are. Childish justifications of character flaws. Nothing special, and in that they keep me from fully engaging with people, a great liability. I can't do this alone.
So... I don't know how to face these fears. They are so big, I can't really convince myself they are unwarranted. But I know post partum anxiety is real. I have been here before. Depression lurks around the corners. If I'm not tired enough to just pass out at night, they keep me up for hours. I hope writing about them helps me handle them, or at least normalizes them enough so I can talk about them freely so they don't become dark shadows around me and my kids.
miércoles, 11 de octubre de 2017
2 months old
It's been a month since I last posted and wow was September kinda crap. I spent I think every weekend sick and in a particular on taking care of Cookie, who had a really bad case of food poisoning that ended with him getting dehydrated and needing a trip to the hospital to get an IV.
I had mastitis for the first time last month too. Never had it with Peanut, but a combination of factors seemed to end in the infection. Isaac started sleeping a bit longer (it didn't last, though he is starting to sleep 6 hours in a row again! I know sleep isn't linear so I'm not expecting this to last or progress to longer stretches, but anything can happen!). I wore a bra that was too tight. Isaac is a much less vigorous feeder than Eli, and likes my right breast much better than the left one, which is the one that produces more and the one that ended up with the infection. It was very painful and I felt really awful, like a really bad flu. I had to go to a different OBGyn because mine was out of town. It wasn't the best of experiences (though also not the worst). The doctor told me I got the infection because the baby didn't have a schedule for feeds, which is bullshit and goes to show that doctors most often than not know very little about breastfeeding. He prescribed me antibiotics and I got better over the course of the week. I managed to see my doctor later that week too and got my six week check up. All looks good! She also recommended a cream I had been applying on my breast, which is meant for milk cows. It works wonders! I ended up trying everything: the cow cream, the antibiotics, a mega dose of vitamin C, probiotics, hot compresses, hot showers, massages... I hope it never comes back!
The doctors (mine and the new one) pissed me off some. My doctor insisted quite a lot that I get an intrauterine hormone device. I don't want any hormones nor do I want an intrauterine device. I know people who had theirs migrate outside the uterus and required surgery to remove it. The doctor was so adamant about birth control I accepted a prescription for the mini pill, but I don't plan to fill it. What part of no hormones is hard to get? I've been learning the sympto thermal method and I said I would use condoms. My sex drive is non existing. Whyyyy did she need to be so pushy about the hormonal birth control? In the end she said "well I guess we'll see you in two years with your third pregnancy". Like that was a terrible thing (she didn't ask if that was in my plans or not), like clearly I couldn't keep myself from getting knocked up. Before that, the new doctor acted kind of disbelieving when I said I had mastitis. When he finished his check up he said "well, it looks like you correctly self diagnosed". As if it was such a surprise? I mean, can't a woman be trusted to know her body? To research, to learn how to take care of herself? Ugh.
Anyway, baby Oz is doing great. He's a smaller baby than Peanut was, but he is putting weight at a great rate! He weights 5.600 kg at his two month mark. I am down to 66.6 kg today, so I still have over 7 kg to lose. Still, not bad for the two month mark. I'm finally wearing normal people clothes as of last week! My transition pants! I am done putting away the kids clothes and my maternity clothes and donating everything that didn't make the cut. I want to start painting the house, first outside, and then maaaaaybe the living area. It would be a lot of work so I don't know... Baby Oz feeds very often so even though I'm not doing much I don't have a lot of time to be productive.
I did a bit of work this past month and it looks like I might start a small renovation in a couple of weeks, though nothing is certain yet. I'm not really feeling ready to work yet, but I am trying to keep myself open to whatever comes my way. I am contemplating sitting down with Cookie to see if we can cut expenses and if it would be okay with him if I took a few months off work entirely to stay home. I doubt he would say no but I don't know if I can get myself to say no to work if it comes my way. I really want to get to the thesis too, I realize I need to get back to teaching (construction has been awfully stressing the past year and a half and the economy is pretty bad for the sector right now). So if I want to go back to teaching I *need* to finish my MBA for good. It just makes more sense now than it did a few months ago.
I also want more time to spend with the kids without worrying about anything else. Last night a dear friend lost her pregnancy. I'm incredibly sad for her, and it sharply put things in perspective. These babies of mine, they need mom more than anything else. Work can wait. I will figure things out when they don't need me quite so much. Right now, they are all *I* need.
I had mastitis for the first time last month too. Never had it with Peanut, but a combination of factors seemed to end in the infection. Isaac started sleeping a bit longer (it didn't last, though he is starting to sleep 6 hours in a row again! I know sleep isn't linear so I'm not expecting this to last or progress to longer stretches, but anything can happen!). I wore a bra that was too tight. Isaac is a much less vigorous feeder than Eli, and likes my right breast much better than the left one, which is the one that produces more and the one that ended up with the infection. It was very painful and I felt really awful, like a really bad flu. I had to go to a different OBGyn because mine was out of town. It wasn't the best of experiences (though also not the worst). The doctor told me I got the infection because the baby didn't have a schedule for feeds, which is bullshit and goes to show that doctors most often than not know very little about breastfeeding. He prescribed me antibiotics and I got better over the course of the week. I managed to see my doctor later that week too and got my six week check up. All looks good! She also recommended a cream I had been applying on my breast, which is meant for milk cows. It works wonders! I ended up trying everything: the cow cream, the antibiotics, a mega dose of vitamin C, probiotics, hot compresses, hot showers, massages... I hope it never comes back!
The doctors (mine and the new one) pissed me off some. My doctor insisted quite a lot that I get an intrauterine hormone device. I don't want any hormones nor do I want an intrauterine device. I know people who had theirs migrate outside the uterus and required surgery to remove it. The doctor was so adamant about birth control I accepted a prescription for the mini pill, but I don't plan to fill it. What part of no hormones is hard to get? I've been learning the sympto thermal method and I said I would use condoms. My sex drive is non existing. Whyyyy did she need to be so pushy about the hormonal birth control? In the end she said "well I guess we'll see you in two years with your third pregnancy". Like that was a terrible thing (she didn't ask if that was in my plans or not), like clearly I couldn't keep myself from getting knocked up. Before that, the new doctor acted kind of disbelieving when I said I had mastitis. When he finished his check up he said "well, it looks like you correctly self diagnosed". As if it was such a surprise? I mean, can't a woman be trusted to know her body? To research, to learn how to take care of herself? Ugh.
Anyway, baby Oz is doing great. He's a smaller baby than Peanut was, but he is putting weight at a great rate! He weights 5.600 kg at his two month mark. I am down to 66.6 kg today, so I still have over 7 kg to lose. Still, not bad for the two month mark. I'm finally wearing normal people clothes as of last week! My transition pants! I am done putting away the kids clothes and my maternity clothes and donating everything that didn't make the cut. I want to start painting the house, first outside, and then maaaaaybe the living area. It would be a lot of work so I don't know... Baby Oz feeds very often so even though I'm not doing much I don't have a lot of time to be productive.
I did a bit of work this past month and it looks like I might start a small renovation in a couple of weeks, though nothing is certain yet. I'm not really feeling ready to work yet, but I am trying to keep myself open to whatever comes my way. I am contemplating sitting down with Cookie to see if we can cut expenses and if it would be okay with him if I took a few months off work entirely to stay home. I doubt he would say no but I don't know if I can get myself to say no to work if it comes my way. I really want to get to the thesis too, I realize I need to get back to teaching (construction has been awfully stressing the past year and a half and the economy is pretty bad for the sector right now). So if I want to go back to teaching I *need* to finish my MBA for good. It just makes more sense now than it did a few months ago.
I also want more time to spend with the kids without worrying about anything else. Last night a dear friend lost her pregnancy. I'm incredibly sad for her, and it sharply put things in perspective. These babies of mine, they need mom more than anything else. Work can wait. I will figure things out when they don't need me quite so much. Right now, they are all *I* need.
viernes, 15 de septiembre de 2017
5 weeks old
Baby Oz is a month old already! What's the saying? The days are long but the years are short, man. Nights can be excruciatingly long, but come 6 am as the skies clear I feel a bit more resigned and let the day wash over us.
He's waking up at 1:30, 3, 5 and 7. On bad nights it's every hour. I decided this week to just get up at 7 instead of trying to sleep another hour. I'm going to bed around 10:30, but Isaac goes down around 8 pm. Peanut goes to bed around 10:30-11, so it's a juggling act. We're slowly developing a routine, so I'm feeling a bit more confident as the days pass.
Oz started to smile socially today! He has an adorable big smile, wispy crazy hair and a receding hairline that makes him look like and old man. He has light gray eyes and is putting on weight like a champ. Breastfeeding is going well! I gave up all dairy again and it hasn't been quite as hard as the last time. I am eating for four people, though, so I haven't lost much weight :/ I still weight 9.5 kg more than when I got pregnant (9 down, at least!), and I really
need to get my snacking under control.
Our sleeping arrangement is currently a huge family bed. Peanut isn't sleeping on his bed, so that single bed remains unused at the side of our king. He is sleeping in the middle of the king bed, snuggling up to me or his dad. Oz is sleeping most of the night in a cosleeper next to me, the rest of the night either on top of my chest or the crook of my arm. It's a bit crowded but also a really sweet feeling, laying down with my babies snuggling up. This season of life, I know it won't last. It will be over too soon, my boys won't remember how they would sleep wrapped around my arms. I will forget the details, too. How warm they are, their sighs, the softly whispered "mommy" when all is dark, Peanut asking to be covered with a blanket. I will just say they slept with us, as if that was all there was to it.
So yeah, I am sleep deprived, as expected with a one month old. It's hard. But I also don't want to miss a single night.
He's waking up at 1:30, 3, 5 and 7. On bad nights it's every hour. I decided this week to just get up at 7 instead of trying to sleep another hour. I'm going to bed around 10:30, but Isaac goes down around 8 pm. Peanut goes to bed around 10:30-11, so it's a juggling act. We're slowly developing a routine, so I'm feeling a bit more confident as the days pass.
Oz started to smile socially today! He has an adorable big smile, wispy crazy hair and a receding hairline that makes him look like and old man. He has light gray eyes and is putting on weight like a champ. Breastfeeding is going well! I gave up all dairy again and it hasn't been quite as hard as the last time. I am eating for four people, though, so I haven't lost much weight :/ I still weight 9.5 kg more than when I got pregnant (9 down, at least!), and I really
need to get my snacking under control.
Our sleeping arrangement is currently a huge family bed. Peanut isn't sleeping on his bed, so that single bed remains unused at the side of our king. He is sleeping in the middle of the king bed, snuggling up to me or his dad. Oz is sleeping most of the night in a cosleeper next to me, the rest of the night either on top of my chest or the crook of my arm. It's a bit crowded but also a really sweet feeling, laying down with my babies snuggling up. This season of life, I know it won't last. It will be over too soon, my boys won't remember how they would sleep wrapped around my arms. I will forget the details, too. How warm they are, their sighs, the softly whispered "mommy" when all is dark, Peanut asking to be covered with a blanket. I will just say they slept with us, as if that was all there was to it.
So yeah, I am sleep deprived, as expected with a one month old. It's hard. But I also don't want to miss a single night.
sábado, 26 de agosto de 2017
17 days
Baby Oz is 17 days old (I think?) and being super cute and sweet. He's a very laid back baby, though he spends most of the day and night up in arms. No one is giving me grief about it tough, my in laws are as interested as I am in having a tiny baby bundled up in their arms. So it's been a sweet time.
It has also been a difficult time, physically and emotionally. Baby Oz has reflux and he complains most of by he night, the poor thing. I'm very tired, sleeping 4 or 5 hours a day. The wound hurts, my insides hurt, the recovery is going slowly. Peanut needs a lot of attention and love and I try to give him everything he needs to cope with the changes but it's difficult.
I feel grotesque, with my wound and my extra skin and the huge boobs. I smell bad, I am in all sorts of pain, my nipples leak over all of my clothes... It's hard. Cookie is trying to keep the flame on but... I just feel grotesque.
Breastfeeding is going very well so I have that going for me. I really need some normalcy and my routine. Cookie goes back to work on Monday, so we'll slowly figure life out again then.
I love my boys in ways I can't explain. Baby Oz is teaching me love is not a finite resource. I heard it all before, but the love can't be explained.
Im falling asleep as I type. Guess I'll keep writing later.
It has also been a difficult time, physically and emotionally. Baby Oz has reflux and he complains most of by he night, the poor thing. I'm very tired, sleeping 4 or 5 hours a day. The wound hurts, my insides hurt, the recovery is going slowly. Peanut needs a lot of attention and love and I try to give him everything he needs to cope with the changes but it's difficult.
I feel grotesque, with my wound and my extra skin and the huge boobs. I smell bad, I am in all sorts of pain, my nipples leak over all of my clothes... It's hard. Cookie is trying to keep the flame on but... I just feel grotesque.
Breastfeeding is going very well so I have that going for me. I really need some normalcy and my routine. Cookie goes back to work on Monday, so we'll slowly figure life out again then.
I love my boys in ways I can't explain. Baby Oz is teaching me love is not a finite resource. I heard it all before, but the love can't be explained.
Im falling asleep as I type. Guess I'll keep writing later.
sábado, 12 de agosto de 2017
My ultimate hospital bag list
Today is out last day at the hospital, and for posterity (and in case I need a refresher a few years from now), here's what we really used and needed:
Baby wipes and diapers
Water bottles
Phone and chargers
Battery bank
Kindle
Glasses
Dried plums
Protein bars/snacks
Lanolin
Shampoo
Toothbrush
Baby nail clippers
Two pillows
Comb
Lotion
Mints
Lip balm
Pj's for Cookie
Underwear
Sanitary pads
Baby clothes in NB and 0-3 sizes
Baby blanket for ride home
I tried to use everything the hospital provided but they kept asking us for clothes for the baby, and allowed me to use pads and underwear. I don't remember that from last time around. I also didn't really use the nursing pillow, a small pillow was much more comfortable to have around the bed.
I don't think I need two changes of clothes, though. I will probably leave in the pants and shirt I wore coming in, since the dress I brought doesn't sound very appealing right now. Not a bad choice, just... I don't know. Less easy to move around.
I also brought nursing pads that were completely unnecessary, and this time I didn't bring a diary or a pen and didn't miss them at all.
I was in an LOT of pain last night and cried quite a bit because moving is so hard. I hope today is better. I am only getting oral acetaminophen now, so pain management is now what would be at home. I'm a bit afraid. But today I'm going home, and I'm seeing my dearest Peanut, so all will be better somehow. Can't wait to have our family together and have my boys meet each other. Isaac is such a calm baby, and he's so lucky Peanut has taught us so much. I can't wait to be their mom.
Baby wipes and diapers
Water bottles
Phone and chargers
Battery bank
Kindle
Glasses
Dried plums
Protein bars/snacks
Lanolin
Shampoo
Toothbrush
Baby nail clippers
Two pillows
Comb
Lotion
Mints
Lip balm
Pj's for Cookie
Underwear
Sanitary pads
Baby clothes in NB and 0-3 sizes
Baby blanket for ride home
I tried to use everything the hospital provided but they kept asking us for clothes for the baby, and allowed me to use pads and underwear. I don't remember that from last time around. I also didn't really use the nursing pillow, a small pillow was much more comfortable to have around the bed.
I don't think I need two changes of clothes, though. I will probably leave in the pants and shirt I wore coming in, since the dress I brought doesn't sound very appealing right now. Not a bad choice, just... I don't know. Less easy to move around.
I also brought nursing pads that were completely unnecessary, and this time I didn't bring a diary or a pen and didn't miss them at all.
I was in an LOT of pain last night and cried quite a bit because moving is so hard. I hope today is better. I am only getting oral acetaminophen now, so pain management is now what would be at home. I'm a bit afraid. But today I'm going home, and I'm seeing my dearest Peanut, so all will be better somehow. Can't wait to have our family together and have my boys meet each other. Isaac is such a calm baby, and he's so lucky Peanut has taught us so much. I can't wait to be their mom.
Suscribirse a:
Entradas (Atom)