Yesterday I bought a matress for Baby Peanut and it arrived today! I'm attempting to move him tonight. I'll still be super close as I put the matress beside my side of the bed, so hopefully the night feeding won't be too difficult.
Baby Peanut is still asking for milk four or five times a night. I have heard it all at this point: that he doesn't need milk at night, that my milk isn't good enough anymore, that his wakings are my fault for not sleep training him/weaning him, that he'll sleep when he walks/turns one/stops teething... I really just think he'll sleeps when he sleeps at this point. I have done at least one more attempt at night weaning him since I last mentioned it here, and the results were the same: inconsolable crying for 45 minutes followed by sighs and weeping while he sleeps. It was in no way restful for him or for me, and he keeps waking every two or three hours, so I'm really not interested in seeing if the cycle repeats all night long.
He was excited about the bed and played a lot before bedtime. He wa happy about being able to climb up and down easily, and seemed to like the feeling of a semi closed pen. I hope we have a good night! I really want us to transition without tears.
miércoles, 29 de junio de 2016
martes, 21 de junio de 2016
The return of the anxiety monster
It's been a difficult couple of weeks. This weekend in particular was very draining as work has piled on and gotten very demanding, with clients that aren't satisfied with the end results and projects that have turned to be huge investments of time, eating away at any profit that we were going to make.
I have stress dreams and lay awake in the small hours of the morning, thinking of everything that might go wrong and thinking how I can run away from all the imagined disasters. I am exhausted, physically and mentally, short tempered, sad, just about ready to drop all work projects and just stay home with the baby.
The MBA is eating away at the few free hours of the weekend. I am constantly on, working or thinking about work, on the phone or preparing budgets and presentations or driving around and buying whatever we need at the construction site. This is my job, I know, it's not asking anything unexpected of me, but I can barely hold it together.
Cookie and I are having problems too. Two weeks ago I was on the verge of leaving. I managed to calm down and we talked, mostly about redistribution of house chores, because I am so tired all the time, I just need something to be off my plate. Anything. But it did get really ugly, even if it was a very calm conversation, and he said he was ready to leave too, but he was much more confident in our love than I was. I have been praying and asking for strength and patience and understanding, because I do love him, and I don't want us to fail.
I thought I was over PPD and PPA. Thought I had managed to get past them on my own. But here we are again, very much in the same state I was in late November. Needing help and unsure if I want to medicate.
Baby Peanut is doing great. He walks and plays and climbs and crawls. I think he's a bit behind since he really doesn't say anything but mama. But he signs some and I know he understand a lot, so I hope his vocabulary grows before it officially becomes a speech delay. He is gorgeous. Loves his dogs and gently pets them, loves to give kisses and hugs, flirts with all the ladies he sees. I don't know why I torture myself with work. I wish I had more time for my baby and a more relaxed life.
I guess I'm the only one that can find the balance, no matter how hard it might be to say no and drop clients and projects. Something has to give.
I have stress dreams and lay awake in the small hours of the morning, thinking of everything that might go wrong and thinking how I can run away from all the imagined disasters. I am exhausted, physically and mentally, short tempered, sad, just about ready to drop all work projects and just stay home with the baby.
The MBA is eating away at the few free hours of the weekend. I am constantly on, working or thinking about work, on the phone or preparing budgets and presentations or driving around and buying whatever we need at the construction site. This is my job, I know, it's not asking anything unexpected of me, but I can barely hold it together.
Cookie and I are having problems too. Two weeks ago I was on the verge of leaving. I managed to calm down and we talked, mostly about redistribution of house chores, because I am so tired all the time, I just need something to be off my plate. Anything. But it did get really ugly, even if it was a very calm conversation, and he said he was ready to leave too, but he was much more confident in our love than I was. I have been praying and asking for strength and patience and understanding, because I do love him, and I don't want us to fail.
I thought I was over PPD and PPA. Thought I had managed to get past them on my own. But here we are again, very much in the same state I was in late November. Needing help and unsure if I want to medicate.
Baby Peanut is doing great. He walks and plays and climbs and crawls. I think he's a bit behind since he really doesn't say anything but mama. But he signs some and I know he understand a lot, so I hope his vocabulary grows before it officially becomes a speech delay. He is gorgeous. Loves his dogs and gently pets them, loves to give kisses and hugs, flirts with all the ladies he sees. I don't know why I torture myself with work. I wish I had more time for my baby and a more relaxed life.
I guess I'm the only one that can find the balance, no matter how hard it might be to say no and drop clients and projects. Something has to give.
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