Just sent what I could manage to do of my thesis for the final revision. Still didn't manage even half of it, but it is what it is, and I'll finish it with time.
I gotta be kinder with myself. I am doing everything I can.
In the good news department, the structural ultrasound and my glucose test are done, and the results are in, and everything looks good!
I am doing everything I can. Everything will be okay.
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta MBA. Mostrar todas las entradas
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta MBA. Mostrar todas las entradas
miércoles, 26 de abril de 2017
domingo, 2 de abril de 2017
Feeling low
My thesis is due next week and I am nowhere, truly, really, certainly, nowhere near done. I accept that I won't finish it on time, though I wish I could have more done to send to the final revision. I don't know if I'll have time to work on it, though.
Work was going so well. It kind of still is, in that I'm meeting all deadlines with flying colors and things are getting done and looking good. But as it turns out, my brother is running out of money and this somehow took us both by surprise. I don't know if I could have prepared him for it? Help him plan better? But we had a chat on Thursday that almost ended with him in tears and I was being a cold hearted bitch - money is what it is. You either have it or you don't, I can't really stretch it that far. But it made me feel really low, and I think he didn't take my cold approach very well. I now feel like I should have worked more on my thesis than on the construction, given that now that we are running out of money we aren't in a hurry anymore to finish to he can move. Hindsight and all, but it still makes me feel really low.
There's also the matter of charging him for my work. I don't know what to do. Do I? At all? Do I tell him that we can put that on the freezer so he can pay me later? I'm not doing well financially at all, all this working for family is really bad for business. Knowing he's struggling to pay for the renovation is just making me feel awful about charging him. But... It is my only income. I don't know.
Cookie has been sick for over two weeks now. He just finished his course of antibiotics, but he's also running a bad bad allergy that only triggers at night in our room. So. He's slept in the living room the last two nights. In a way I guess that's better for both of us because I was getting awful sleep with him coughing and Peanut waking up, and he's also resting more because he's not coughing all night anymore, but. Yeah. This is not doing us any favors. Him feeling sick means less help with Baby Peanut, and more general crankiness. Which means I'm more tired and more prone to get angry, specially if he's cranky over video games and difficult to be around. I can barely hold it together as it is.
I reached week 20 of this pregnancy, so we're halfway there. I was feeling pretty great until last Thursday, when I went on a crazy cleaning spree trying to vacuum and de-clutter as much as possible to see if that helped with Cookie's allergy. It didn't. And then Friday I felt super crap, ready-to-run-to-the-hospital bad. But it was while I was grocery shopping, so I was alone, and ended up deciding to just try to take I easy instead of alarming my mom. I... I gotta say, I feel pretty lonely lately. Feeling sick and sleep deprivation are hard, but just in general I feel like nothing gets lined up right. As soon as I get something working I feel like everything else falls apart.
In the end I think it was just more low pressure fun times, combined with being physically exhausted. I felt somewhat better yesterday until nighttime. I have an appointment tomorrow for the 20 week check up, so I'll bring my low pressure up again.
We are transitioning baby Peanut to his own bed. We are still room sharing and I expect we will continue to do so for a couple of years still, unless he asks for his own room. Once the baby is born, I feel like being all in one room would make him feel less displaced. He still wakes once or twice a night to ask for milk or for me to lay down with him, and I start up the night in his bed 3 out of 4 nights. Sometimes I only get two hours of sleep in my bed. But tomorrow will mark two weeks since we started and we haven't had him in our bed a single night, which is something of an achievement. He does cry and asks to sleep in the big bed, but I offer to go down to his instead and it usually works okay. He wakes up crying much less often than when he slept with us, which is also good! We are also introducing him to the shower really slowly. He's afraid of the falling water, so he cries when we shower him instead of bathing him in his baby bath. But he's almost too big for his bath now! It's a bit unwieldy. He'll turn two by the end of this month. I need to figure out a lot in this coming months and get some sort of new routines for him before the new baby is here. I don't want him to feel like his world is falling apart because of his brother :(
I'm planning to toilet train him in May. We will take a road trip to the beach with my parents the first week of May, so once we are back I'm tackling that. I hope it goes smoothly. Fingers crossed.
I'm dreading the heat this summer. I haven't gained as much weight as with Peanut's pregnancy so far, but I'm still retaining a lot of water and my digestion is so slow.. I already feel uncomfortable and have pain in my legs and feet. I'm trying to walk more, which does help, but I haven't been able to really stick to a daily schedule.
These past weeks I bought a package of newborn sized diapers, three size 0 pj's and one 3 months sized pj for the new baby (code named Ozymandias, or Ozzy for short). It's been a slowwww road to confidence. I almost broke down in the diapers aisle when I picked the diapers. What if I was jinxing him? What if something terrible happened? I know it can happen. I know nothing is ever certain. But I bought some tiny footed pj's just the same. Maybe it seems ridiculous, but for me it was a great leap of faith. Can't wait to meet you, baby Oz.
Work was going so well. It kind of still is, in that I'm meeting all deadlines with flying colors and things are getting done and looking good. But as it turns out, my brother is running out of money and this somehow took us both by surprise. I don't know if I could have prepared him for it? Help him plan better? But we had a chat on Thursday that almost ended with him in tears and I was being a cold hearted bitch - money is what it is. You either have it or you don't, I can't really stretch it that far. But it made me feel really low, and I think he didn't take my cold approach very well. I now feel like I should have worked more on my thesis than on the construction, given that now that we are running out of money we aren't in a hurry anymore to finish to he can move. Hindsight and all, but it still makes me feel really low.
There's also the matter of charging him for my work. I don't know what to do. Do I? At all? Do I tell him that we can put that on the freezer so he can pay me later? I'm not doing well financially at all, all this working for family is really bad for business. Knowing he's struggling to pay for the renovation is just making me feel awful about charging him. But... It is my only income. I don't know.
Cookie has been sick for over two weeks now. He just finished his course of antibiotics, but he's also running a bad bad allergy that only triggers at night in our room. So. He's slept in the living room the last two nights. In a way I guess that's better for both of us because I was getting awful sleep with him coughing and Peanut waking up, and he's also resting more because he's not coughing all night anymore, but. Yeah. This is not doing us any favors. Him feeling sick means less help with Baby Peanut, and more general crankiness. Which means I'm more tired and more prone to get angry, specially if he's cranky over video games and difficult to be around. I can barely hold it together as it is.
I reached week 20 of this pregnancy, so we're halfway there. I was feeling pretty great until last Thursday, when I went on a crazy cleaning spree trying to vacuum and de-clutter as much as possible to see if that helped with Cookie's allergy. It didn't. And then Friday I felt super crap, ready-to-run-to-the-hospital bad. But it was while I was grocery shopping, so I was alone, and ended up deciding to just try to take I easy instead of alarming my mom. I... I gotta say, I feel pretty lonely lately. Feeling sick and sleep deprivation are hard, but just in general I feel like nothing gets lined up right. As soon as I get something working I feel like everything else falls apart.
In the end I think it was just more low pressure fun times, combined with being physically exhausted. I felt somewhat better yesterday until nighttime. I have an appointment tomorrow for the 20 week check up, so I'll bring my low pressure up again.
We are transitioning baby Peanut to his own bed. We are still room sharing and I expect we will continue to do so for a couple of years still, unless he asks for his own room. Once the baby is born, I feel like being all in one room would make him feel less displaced. He still wakes once or twice a night to ask for milk or for me to lay down with him, and I start up the night in his bed 3 out of 4 nights. Sometimes I only get two hours of sleep in my bed. But tomorrow will mark two weeks since we started and we haven't had him in our bed a single night, which is something of an achievement. He does cry and asks to sleep in the big bed, but I offer to go down to his instead and it usually works okay. He wakes up crying much less often than when he slept with us, which is also good! We are also introducing him to the shower really slowly. He's afraid of the falling water, so he cries when we shower him instead of bathing him in his baby bath. But he's almost too big for his bath now! It's a bit unwieldy. He'll turn two by the end of this month. I need to figure out a lot in this coming months and get some sort of new routines for him before the new baby is here. I don't want him to feel like his world is falling apart because of his brother :(
I'm planning to toilet train him in May. We will take a road trip to the beach with my parents the first week of May, so once we are back I'm tackling that. I hope it goes smoothly. Fingers crossed.
I'm dreading the heat this summer. I haven't gained as much weight as with Peanut's pregnancy so far, but I'm still retaining a lot of water and my digestion is so slow.. I already feel uncomfortable and have pain in my legs and feet. I'm trying to walk more, which does help, but I haven't been able to really stick to a daily schedule.
These past weeks I bought a package of newborn sized diapers, three size 0 pj's and one 3 months sized pj for the new baby (code named Ozymandias, or Ozzy for short). It's been a slowwww road to confidence. I almost broke down in the diapers aisle when I picked the diapers. What if I was jinxing him? What if something terrible happened? I know it can happen. I know nothing is ever certain. But I bought some tiny footed pj's just the same. Maybe it seems ridiculous, but for me it was a great leap of faith. Can't wait to meet you, baby Oz.
viernes, 24 de febrero de 2017
15 weeks
So here I am! Second trimester, woohooo! I'm feeling much better. No more low pressure kicking my ass, much less nausea (only here and there, when I'm very tired or hungry), no heartburn *dances* not a lot of energy, really, still waiting for that to improve, but I'm definitely feeling better.
Yesterday I went to see the doctor by myself due to a vaginal infection. I know you were dying to know that. Anyway, as I was there, and the doctor asked if I had recently changed soap brands, I remembered that yes, I had, and also, this had happened with Baby Peanut's pregnancy too. I got a prescription soap (again) and some treatment. I am hoping it improves. I got to briefly see the baby. It wasn't moving at all so I freaked out, but the heartbeat was strong. I guess he or she was sleeping? Doctor said not to worry. But of course I'm worrying. I go back in two weeks to get proper measurements of growth, so... I hope everything looks okay then.
This is also my second week of the thesis seminar I'm taking. I went to the graduation ceremony on February 10th, and all that is left is WRITING THIS THESIS HELL YEAH. the seminar is 7 weeks long, so 5 to go. I.. Could be making faster progress I admit. But I am still on track with our assignments, so that's good! The seminar is really exhausting, though. I take it Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 4 to 6, but the traffic both ways is pretty bad, so it's an hour of very defensive driving that is almost as taxing as the class. My brother is teaching the class, which was news to both of us until the first day! It's a bit weird and maybe even uncomfortable for him? Not sure. But he's a good teacher and I am glad I'm with him and not someone else who's just half assing the seminar. I usually end up fast asleep before 9, though :S poor Cookie is not enjoying this time of our lives :(
Last week I also picked up Ahri, the dog I had rescued back in September. The owners no longer could care for her due to moving to a rental house with a no pets policy, though to be honest I think they just wanted to get rid of her. I don't think they enjoyed the responsibility and just found a good excuse to return her. It's been... A bit stressful at times, because Odin and Ahri are constantly fighting and trying to mount each other, but slowly things seem to be calming down. It's an improvement anyway of the situation we were in last time she lived with us, when I had to take Odin to my parents' place for two months because they couldn't be together. Odin was so obsessed with mounting her that he lost weight and had a doggie penis emergency. It was.. Not sustainable. This time around is more manageable. They have even slept inside several nights. In theory we will put her up for adoption again.
I kind of don't want to put the poor dog through it, so even though three dogs are too may dogs in our home, I think if we can coexist in peace I'll just let it be. She deserves a good home, and love, and I can't stand the idea of her getting rejected again. It's impossible to expect her to behave and be calm if her world keeps getting turned around. Cookie tells me, no matter what, she's better off than in the streets, and he's right, but we'll see. Gotta mend our broken hearts (mostly mine, she doesn't seem to give a shit about not seeing her adopters anymore).
Baby Peanut is doing well! We have a few more words (ma= more and abo=heart (which makes no sense, but whatever, it is what it is)). He has some very willful, difficult days sometimes. I think he's also getting adjusted at my new school schedule, since he was used to having me around for the afternoon. He loves to help me cook and help his grandpa water the plants. Adores his dogs and watching YouTube, mostly children's songs but also Journey's Separate Ways, which he has loved since he was a little baby. He likes OK Go's videos, and Heartstone weekly highlights (Yeah, the game. We guess because he sees dad play it?). Sometimes when I'm driving and a song he likes comes on in the radio, he starts clapping to the rhythm in his chair, which is pretty funny. When I try to tell him about a baby in mommy's tummy, he either ignores me or tells me it's "abaubau" (a dog). I guess.. Uh.. I guess that's better than ignoring it? He does like dogs, so...
I'm also having some really vivid dreams. I forgot hormones did a number on that too. Nightmares have been super scary. Dreams very convoluted. Last night, though, I dreamed I had given birth to this baby. It had been a natural birth, it was a girl, she had been born at 38 1/2 weeks, and had weighted 3.250 kg. A very precise dream! I'm writing it down in case it comes true :P oh, and my mom was VERY INSISTENT we called her Georgette. LOL, what the...? We'll see, I guess.
GEORGETTE IS DEFINITELY NOT ON THE TABLE THOUGH.
Yesterday I went to see the doctor by myself due to a vaginal infection. I know you were dying to know that. Anyway, as I was there, and the doctor asked if I had recently changed soap brands, I remembered that yes, I had, and also, this had happened with Baby Peanut's pregnancy too. I got a prescription soap (again) and some treatment. I am hoping it improves. I got to briefly see the baby. It wasn't moving at all so I freaked out, but the heartbeat was strong. I guess he or she was sleeping? Doctor said not to worry. But of course I'm worrying. I go back in two weeks to get proper measurements of growth, so... I hope everything looks okay then.
This is also my second week of the thesis seminar I'm taking. I went to the graduation ceremony on February 10th, and all that is left is WRITING THIS THESIS HELL YEAH. the seminar is 7 weeks long, so 5 to go. I.. Could be making faster progress I admit. But I am still on track with our assignments, so that's good! The seminar is really exhausting, though. I take it Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 4 to 6, but the traffic both ways is pretty bad, so it's an hour of very defensive driving that is almost as taxing as the class. My brother is teaching the class, which was news to both of us until the first day! It's a bit weird and maybe even uncomfortable for him? Not sure. But he's a good teacher and I am glad I'm with him and not someone else who's just half assing the seminar. I usually end up fast asleep before 9, though :S poor Cookie is not enjoying this time of our lives :(
Last week I also picked up Ahri, the dog I had rescued back in September. The owners no longer could care for her due to moving to a rental house with a no pets policy, though to be honest I think they just wanted to get rid of her. I don't think they enjoyed the responsibility and just found a good excuse to return her. It's been... A bit stressful at times, because Odin and Ahri are constantly fighting and trying to mount each other, but slowly things seem to be calming down. It's an improvement anyway of the situation we were in last time she lived with us, when I had to take Odin to my parents' place for two months because they couldn't be together. Odin was so obsessed with mounting her that he lost weight and had a doggie penis emergency. It was.. Not sustainable. This time around is more manageable. They have even slept inside several nights. In theory we will put her up for adoption again.
I kind of don't want to put the poor dog through it, so even though three dogs are too may dogs in our home, I think if we can coexist in peace I'll just let it be. She deserves a good home, and love, and I can't stand the idea of her getting rejected again. It's impossible to expect her to behave and be calm if her world keeps getting turned around. Cookie tells me, no matter what, she's better off than in the streets, and he's right, but we'll see. Gotta mend our broken hearts (mostly mine, she doesn't seem to give a shit about not seeing her adopters anymore).
Baby Peanut is doing well! We have a few more words (ma= more and abo=heart (which makes no sense, but whatever, it is what it is)). He has some very willful, difficult days sometimes. I think he's also getting adjusted at my new school schedule, since he was used to having me around for the afternoon. He loves to help me cook and help his grandpa water the plants. Adores his dogs and watching YouTube, mostly children's songs but also Journey's Separate Ways, which he has loved since he was a little baby. He likes OK Go's videos, and Heartstone weekly highlights (Yeah, the game. We guess because he sees dad play it?). Sometimes when I'm driving and a song he likes comes on in the radio, he starts clapping to the rhythm in his chair, which is pretty funny. When I try to tell him about a baby in mommy's tummy, he either ignores me or tells me it's "abaubau" (a dog). I guess.. Uh.. I guess that's better than ignoring it? He does like dogs, so...
I'm also having some really vivid dreams. I forgot hormones did a number on that too. Nightmares have been super scary. Dreams very convoluted. Last night, though, I dreamed I had given birth to this baby. It had been a natural birth, it was a girl, she had been born at 38 1/2 weeks, and had weighted 3.250 kg. A very precise dream! I'm writing it down in case it comes true :P oh, and my mom was VERY INSISTENT we called her Georgette. LOL, what the...? We'll see, I guess.
GEORGETTE IS DEFINITELY NOT ON THE TABLE THOUGH.
viernes, 30 de diciembre de 2016
Fortune on my side
*Crosses fingers*
December has been kind to me! I just got an email from a real state company where I interviewed months ago, saying my fees had been approved, so I will be their external Interior design consultor! I have high hopes for this job, I hope it'll open doors and help me maintain better finances!
I am also super super thankful that I put in all the work, no shortcuts, on the one class that wasn't shitty this last trimester of the MBA. Two weeks after classes were done I checked grades - knowing I had done well, I hadn't bothered before- aaaand... I had failed that class. Which made no sense! The only thing I didn't have graded before was the final exam, and I knew I had done well. Except...
I never saw the "next page" button at the start of the exam. So. I answered only one third of the questions.
Cue a total freak out because now was TOO LATE to try and talk to the teacher or do anything about it, except cry and take the class again next year. I quickly logged in to see my kardex only to see I had been graded a 9.4/10. The teacher didn't say anything, but used what I did of the exam as my totality of the exam, instead of the actual grade I got from the automatic grading from the platform. I am so thankful!!! That he took the time to see why I had failed and that he decided to help me out. I almost passed out from the fear out and the relief, it was the stupidest of mistakes.
I am also super lucky and very happy to say I'm pregnant! I'm currently 7 weeks along, so it's still very early, but I'm feeling queasy and sick mostly every day, so... Hormones are doing their thing! I went to the doctor last week to confirm the home test, and everything looked okay. Next week I'll be there again to look for a heartbeat, so I'm hoping all goes well.
Cookie was rather surprised, since he thought we were safe. I thought we were trying for a baby, so we had a big misunderstanding there :S he was surprised and maybe not super excited at first, but he's gotten around the idea and think he's happy. Baby Peanut is being very possessive of mommy, more than usual, and I'm really tired these days, but I think he's gonna be excited as things start to progress.
Things I forgot were very annoying about being pregnant: people touching my stomach. I am not showing at all!! Ugh, it's so uncomfortable :S my family telling everyone they know and their neighbor. I am not going super public, I did tell my family, but.. I don't know. I don't feel comfortable sharing so much right now. But here I am! With the blog! But still.. Also: the nausea, the swelling (why so soon??), the low blood pressure and the reflux. I don't remember feeling quite like this like last time around, though I am also a lot more positive right now. I am cautious, but I will try to enjoy the experience as much as I can, since I was so freaked out and obsessed with what could go wrong.
I hope 2017 keeps on with the good fortune! Have a great new year, everyone!
December has been kind to me! I just got an email from a real state company where I interviewed months ago, saying my fees had been approved, so I will be their external Interior design consultor! I have high hopes for this job, I hope it'll open doors and help me maintain better finances!
I am also super super thankful that I put in all the work, no shortcuts, on the one class that wasn't shitty this last trimester of the MBA. Two weeks after classes were done I checked grades - knowing I had done well, I hadn't bothered before- aaaand... I had failed that class. Which made no sense! The only thing I didn't have graded before was the final exam, and I knew I had done well. Except...
I never saw the "next page" button at the start of the exam. So. I answered only one third of the questions.
Cue a total freak out because now was TOO LATE to try and talk to the teacher or do anything about it, except cry and take the class again next year. I quickly logged in to see my kardex only to see I had been graded a 9.4/10. The teacher didn't say anything, but used what I did of the exam as my totality of the exam, instead of the actual grade I got from the automatic grading from the platform. I am so thankful!!! That he took the time to see why I had failed and that he decided to help me out. I almost passed out from the fear out and the relief, it was the stupidest of mistakes.
I am also super lucky and very happy to say I'm pregnant! I'm currently 7 weeks along, so it's still very early, but I'm feeling queasy and sick mostly every day, so... Hormones are doing their thing! I went to the doctor last week to confirm the home test, and everything looked okay. Next week I'll be there again to look for a heartbeat, so I'm hoping all goes well.
Cookie was rather surprised, since he thought we were safe. I thought we were trying for a baby, so we had a big misunderstanding there :S he was surprised and maybe not super excited at first, but he's gotten around the idea and think he's happy. Baby Peanut is being very possessive of mommy, more than usual, and I'm really tired these days, but I think he's gonna be excited as things start to progress.
Things I forgot were very annoying about being pregnant: people touching my stomach. I am not showing at all!! Ugh, it's so uncomfortable :S my family telling everyone they know and their neighbor. I am not going super public, I did tell my family, but.. I don't know. I don't feel comfortable sharing so much right now. But here I am! With the blog! But still.. Also: the nausea, the swelling (why so soon??), the low blood pressure and the reflux. I don't remember feeling quite like this like last time around, though I am also a lot more positive right now. I am cautious, but I will try to enjoy the experience as much as I can, since I was so freaked out and obsessed with what could go wrong.
I hope 2017 keeps on with the good fortune! Have a great new year, everyone!
sábado, 10 de diciembre de 2016
The end of the MBA!
I am incredibly thankful and happy to declare the trimester is finished! Last week I turned in the last final projects, and with that I have finished all the credits of the MBA! All that is left is doing the English accreditation, which I should have done forever ago but I haven't, and the thesis. I have a few options to do the thesis, which is my current dilemma, but that is not taking any joy from the fact that I AM DONE!
I'm so thankful to Cookie and my parents and my brother, who helped me get through this. It never felt like it was ever the right time, I never had enough time or enthusiasm, was never fully in an academic mode. I suppose that wasn't a realistic expectation, but I had thought I would be the kind of student I used to be in college. I did my best, but it wasn't just hard, it was a sacrifice. I had never felt like that before. It probably sounds super dramatic, but I honestly feel like it was a great weight on my shoulders, that eventually became Cookie and the baby's burden as well.
The dilemma right now is, there is a virtual seminar being offered by the teacher of my last class, based on our final project, to turn that into the thesis. It sounds like a good idea, except the class was awful, the teacher was crap and the project sacked. I... I really want to finish, but I don't know if I want that. I don't think I can write the thesis on my own without a structured class or aid, so I'm worried about taking the "high road" and just not finishing.
I would like my thesis subject to be the feasibility of a glass recycling plant in my city as a business venture, mostly because I feel shit about throwing glass bottles to the trash and because it's kind of a entrepreneur dream of mine. There used to be one, but it moved to a much smaller city in the state, and we wonder why. In any case, glass is not collected here because it's not cost effective to drive it to the plant.
Work is okay. November was insane, since my partner had a freak accident and everything fell into my hands. She's now fine, thank God, but it made everything really hard and packed.
I continue to struggle financially. Nothing new there, though I feel a bit less concerned at the moment. For no particular reason, really! I had a nice talk with one of my brothers about affording a house and how I never see myself having the financial security my parents have. And he made me realize that's dumb. One, because we keep growing and doing better in our jobs, no matter how gradually. And two, because we are not in a void. My parents built their life on the foundation my grandparents help them build, and that legacy didn't end when they graduated or married or whatever. They helped each other every day of their lives, and they he'll their brothers and sisters, and into that legacy of love I was brought up and will remain until the end of my days. And I will pass that on. We are very blessed and we must remember that, so we can give to others even when we feel overwhelmed. Because it's never as hard as we think.
I also found a new home for Ahri, he dog I rescued! Right on Thanksgiving, too! She was adopted by three roommates, they seem to be happy with her and her crazy ways. I miss her but now my dogs are both back home and everything is back to normal! I'm so glad we found her a good home!
Baby Peanut is a delight, though he has been sick this past month. Nothing serious, but he hasnt been feeling great, the poor thing. He is loving Christmas this year, all the lights and the tree and my parents Christmas train, my in law decorations, the stores... He is so gleeful! I'm loving this time of year with him.
Cookie and I are also now trying for another baby. It's mostly just not preventing at this point, since it's hard to keep a much more active love life. Baby Peanut's schedule remains the best birth control we have. But we'll see! Maybe! I'm excited! I mentioned that if we want three kids before I turn 35, we should probably get on the program. And he said yeah, we probably should, and then just stopped preventing. And here we are! I either get my period in the next few days or we got really lucky, so we'll see. I'll keep you posted!
I'm so thankful to Cookie and my parents and my brother, who helped me get through this. It never felt like it was ever the right time, I never had enough time or enthusiasm, was never fully in an academic mode. I suppose that wasn't a realistic expectation, but I had thought I would be the kind of student I used to be in college. I did my best, but it wasn't just hard, it was a sacrifice. I had never felt like that before. It probably sounds super dramatic, but I honestly feel like it was a great weight on my shoulders, that eventually became Cookie and the baby's burden as well.
The dilemma right now is, there is a virtual seminar being offered by the teacher of my last class, based on our final project, to turn that into the thesis. It sounds like a good idea, except the class was awful, the teacher was crap and the project sacked. I... I really want to finish, but I don't know if I want that. I don't think I can write the thesis on my own without a structured class or aid, so I'm worried about taking the "high road" and just not finishing.
I would like my thesis subject to be the feasibility of a glass recycling plant in my city as a business venture, mostly because I feel shit about throwing glass bottles to the trash and because it's kind of a entrepreneur dream of mine. There used to be one, but it moved to a much smaller city in the state, and we wonder why. In any case, glass is not collected here because it's not cost effective to drive it to the plant.
Work is okay. November was insane, since my partner had a freak accident and everything fell into my hands. She's now fine, thank God, but it made everything really hard and packed.
I continue to struggle financially. Nothing new there, though I feel a bit less concerned at the moment. For no particular reason, really! I had a nice talk with one of my brothers about affording a house and how I never see myself having the financial security my parents have. And he made me realize that's dumb. One, because we keep growing and doing better in our jobs, no matter how gradually. And two, because we are not in a void. My parents built their life on the foundation my grandparents help them build, and that legacy didn't end when they graduated or married or whatever. They helped each other every day of their lives, and they he'll their brothers and sisters, and into that legacy of love I was brought up and will remain until the end of my days. And I will pass that on. We are very blessed and we must remember that, so we can give to others even when we feel overwhelmed. Because it's never as hard as we think.
I also found a new home for Ahri, he dog I rescued! Right on Thanksgiving, too! She was adopted by three roommates, they seem to be happy with her and her crazy ways. I miss her but now my dogs are both back home and everything is back to normal! I'm so glad we found her a good home!
Baby Peanut is a delight, though he has been sick this past month. Nothing serious, but he hasnt been feeling great, the poor thing. He is loving Christmas this year, all the lights and the tree and my parents Christmas train, my in law decorations, the stores... He is so gleeful! I'm loving this time of year with him.
Cookie and I are also now trying for another baby. It's mostly just not preventing at this point, since it's hard to keep a much more active love life. Baby Peanut's schedule remains the best birth control we have. But we'll see! Maybe! I'm excited! I mentioned that if we want three kids before I turn 35, we should probably get on the program. And he said yeah, we probably should, and then just stopped preventing. And here we are! I either get my period in the next few days or we got really lucky, so we'll see. I'll keep you posted!
domingo, 6 de noviembre de 2016
A year and a half
Baby Peanut is so 18 months old! A full year and a half has gone by (and then another week, since I didn't write about this when the 28th turned aroud).
What's new? Well, he has all his baby teeth except for the 2 year old molars. He weights 11.3 kg and 81 cms tall. He loves to dance. He's fully weaned and mostly sleeps through the night (! ! ). Yeah! Once I weaned him he started to sleep through the night, though he asks for milk once a night usually. But his bottle is right there so. . . Easy peasy.
It hasn't made much of an impact in my life, the change in sleep. I thought it would, but I guess I was sleeping more than I thought, or resting better. I am not particularly better rested these days. I am still mourning our breastfeeding relationship, though I am through with the hormonal rollercoaster. It was really bad for a while, I was crying over everything, having tremors and insomnia. I still don't feel 100% normal, though.
I tried St. John's Worth capsules but I haven't seen much of a difference.
I am feeling very desperate these days, though, about money and work and the MBA. I am in some debt, and I don't have enough money coming from unfinished projects to pay it off. December is also coming so I have to pay end of the year bonuses and I have no money reserved for that. I have done a terrible job this year at keeping my finances lean. I have tried, but every month is something different that is a money black hole. The robbery, the dogs, this month is the car insurance, next month is Christmas and the end of year bonuses. . . I will need to ask Cookie to bail me out of the debt but it makes me feel like an absolute failure.
The MBA is four weeks from being over. I can't stand what an absolute waste of time it is. I should be doing homework right now, instead of writing here, but I felt like crying. This week I got an assignment turned back, the teacher thinks I copied it and wants me to do it over, because it doesn't fit the content of the week. Except it does, he just forgot what the presentations he sent over actually have in them. I pointed out where I got the content from and he won't track back, because obviously it would make him lose face. So fuck me instead, right? I can do useless homework all day. The other class is a completely waste of time and oxygen. I can't wrap my head around the fraud that it is to charge for it, how can any teacher do what he us doing. Just. Why bother with any of this.
I know why I'm doing it, and Cookie tries to motivate me and remind me I need the master degree if I want to go back to teaching someday. I know what the long term plan is. But knowing is not helping me get through this. My day to day feels like such a struggle, the long term just doesn't carry much weight right now.
My friend P had an accident on Monday and broke her nose, and had to have surgery. Everything from our side business suddenly fell into my hands, and it's very clear to me right now that I couldn't care less about it if I tried. But I don't want to let it all fall through because I know she's really making and effort. I just. . . Can't. Maybe it's just an emotional hurdle that I am refusing to pass. But I need to draw a line somewhere. I can't find a place to draw it and I feel cornered.
Being in debt makes me crazy. Working all the time and being so tired and having nothing to show for it, not being able to enjoy the fruits of that work, but just barely getting by all the time with the water juuuuust under my chin. . . I know plenty of people have it worst than me. I know this. I am fine. I can pay this debt. I am healthy. I have a beautiful family. I have the support of my loved ones. Please, God, just let me stay one step ahead of this madness. Help me find my peace. Help me be patient. Please, God.
I can't do it all. Help me figure this out.
What's new? Well, he has all his baby teeth except for the 2 year old molars. He weights 11.3 kg and 81 cms tall. He loves to dance. He's fully weaned and mostly sleeps through the night (! ! ). Yeah! Once I weaned him he started to sleep through the night, though he asks for milk once a night usually. But his bottle is right there so. . . Easy peasy.
It hasn't made much of an impact in my life, the change in sleep. I thought it would, but I guess I was sleeping more than I thought, or resting better. I am not particularly better rested these days. I am still mourning our breastfeeding relationship, though I am through with the hormonal rollercoaster. It was really bad for a while, I was crying over everything, having tremors and insomnia. I still don't feel 100% normal, though.
I tried St. John's Worth capsules but I haven't seen much of a difference.
I am feeling very desperate these days, though, about money and work and the MBA. I am in some debt, and I don't have enough money coming from unfinished projects to pay it off. December is also coming so I have to pay end of the year bonuses and I have no money reserved for that. I have done a terrible job this year at keeping my finances lean. I have tried, but every month is something different that is a money black hole. The robbery, the dogs, this month is the car insurance, next month is Christmas and the end of year bonuses. . . I will need to ask Cookie to bail me out of the debt but it makes me feel like an absolute failure.
The MBA is four weeks from being over. I can't stand what an absolute waste of time it is. I should be doing homework right now, instead of writing here, but I felt like crying. This week I got an assignment turned back, the teacher thinks I copied it and wants me to do it over, because it doesn't fit the content of the week. Except it does, he just forgot what the presentations he sent over actually have in them. I pointed out where I got the content from and he won't track back, because obviously it would make him lose face. So fuck me instead, right? I can do useless homework all day. The other class is a completely waste of time and oxygen. I can't wrap my head around the fraud that it is to charge for it, how can any teacher do what he us doing. Just. Why bother with any of this.
I know why I'm doing it, and Cookie tries to motivate me and remind me I need the master degree if I want to go back to teaching someday. I know what the long term plan is. But knowing is not helping me get through this. My day to day feels like such a struggle, the long term just doesn't carry much weight right now.
My friend P had an accident on Monday and broke her nose, and had to have surgery. Everything from our side business suddenly fell into my hands, and it's very clear to me right now that I couldn't care less about it if I tried. But I don't want to let it all fall through because I know she's really making and effort. I just. . . Can't. Maybe it's just an emotional hurdle that I am refusing to pass. But I need to draw a line somewhere. I can't find a place to draw it and I feel cornered.
Being in debt makes me crazy. Working all the time and being so tired and having nothing to show for it, not being able to enjoy the fruits of that work, but just barely getting by all the time with the water juuuuust under my chin. . . I know plenty of people have it worst than me. I know this. I am fine. I can pay this debt. I am healthy. I have a beautiful family. I have the support of my loved ones. Please, God, just let me stay one step ahead of this madness. Help me find my peace. Help me be patient. Please, God.
I can't do it all. Help me figure this out.
martes, 21 de junio de 2016
The return of the anxiety monster
It's been a difficult couple of weeks. This weekend in particular was very draining as work has piled on and gotten very demanding, with clients that aren't satisfied with the end results and projects that have turned to be huge investments of time, eating away at any profit that we were going to make.
I have stress dreams and lay awake in the small hours of the morning, thinking of everything that might go wrong and thinking how I can run away from all the imagined disasters. I am exhausted, physically and mentally, short tempered, sad, just about ready to drop all work projects and just stay home with the baby.
The MBA is eating away at the few free hours of the weekend. I am constantly on, working or thinking about work, on the phone or preparing budgets and presentations or driving around and buying whatever we need at the construction site. This is my job, I know, it's not asking anything unexpected of me, but I can barely hold it together.
Cookie and I are having problems too. Two weeks ago I was on the verge of leaving. I managed to calm down and we talked, mostly about redistribution of house chores, because I am so tired all the time, I just need something to be off my plate. Anything. But it did get really ugly, even if it was a very calm conversation, and he said he was ready to leave too, but he was much more confident in our love than I was. I have been praying and asking for strength and patience and understanding, because I do love him, and I don't want us to fail.
I thought I was over PPD and PPA. Thought I had managed to get past them on my own. But here we are again, very much in the same state I was in late November. Needing help and unsure if I want to medicate.
Baby Peanut is doing great. He walks and plays and climbs and crawls. I think he's a bit behind since he really doesn't say anything but mama. But he signs some and I know he understand a lot, so I hope his vocabulary grows before it officially becomes a speech delay. He is gorgeous. Loves his dogs and gently pets them, loves to give kisses and hugs, flirts with all the ladies he sees. I don't know why I torture myself with work. I wish I had more time for my baby and a more relaxed life.
I guess I'm the only one that can find the balance, no matter how hard it might be to say no and drop clients and projects. Something has to give.
I have stress dreams and lay awake in the small hours of the morning, thinking of everything that might go wrong and thinking how I can run away from all the imagined disasters. I am exhausted, physically and mentally, short tempered, sad, just about ready to drop all work projects and just stay home with the baby.
The MBA is eating away at the few free hours of the weekend. I am constantly on, working or thinking about work, on the phone or preparing budgets and presentations or driving around and buying whatever we need at the construction site. This is my job, I know, it's not asking anything unexpected of me, but I can barely hold it together.
Cookie and I are having problems too. Two weeks ago I was on the verge of leaving. I managed to calm down and we talked, mostly about redistribution of house chores, because I am so tired all the time, I just need something to be off my plate. Anything. But it did get really ugly, even if it was a very calm conversation, and he said he was ready to leave too, but he was much more confident in our love than I was. I have been praying and asking for strength and patience and understanding, because I do love him, and I don't want us to fail.
I thought I was over PPD and PPA. Thought I had managed to get past them on my own. But here we are again, very much in the same state I was in late November. Needing help and unsure if I want to medicate.
Baby Peanut is doing great. He walks and plays and climbs and crawls. I think he's a bit behind since he really doesn't say anything but mama. But he signs some and I know he understand a lot, so I hope his vocabulary grows before it officially becomes a speech delay. He is gorgeous. Loves his dogs and gently pets them, loves to give kisses and hugs, flirts with all the ladies he sees. I don't know why I torture myself with work. I wish I had more time for my baby and a more relaxed life.
I guess I'm the only one that can find the balance, no matter how hard it might be to say no and drop clients and projects. Something has to give.
martes, 24 de mayo de 2016
Back from our vacation, time for some perspective
I haven't posted in a while so I'll try to do a quick recap:
We had Baby Peanut's baptism on April 23rd. After all the in law drama due our choice of godparents, it all well pretty well. No one said anything, just a few not super happy faces. Baby Peanut cried for the whole ceremony. He was the only baby cc crying, nonstop, for 45 minutes. THAT SURE WENT WELL.
After the ceremony we had a family party at my parents' place, half baptism celebration, half birthday party. We had tacos and a Totoro cake made by one of my sisters in law. All went well and was very tasty!
The next weekend we took a family photo session and had a smash the cake session for Eli. He was scared of his cake and cried every time he touched it. I guess the texture creeped him out?
We had a week and a half trip in early May. We stayed with my college friends and I had a wonderful time with them, even if work did not relent even while I was away, and despite how exhausting it was to take care of baby Peanut outside our routine and environment. We also got to see Cookie's cousins and family and spend some days with them, so it was nice. And I got to see my brother too. Flying with a one year old was... Stressful. And packed. Not the easiest of endeavors. But we managed and came back in one piece, even if we had to forgo the trip to the beach - I realized once we were planning it that Eli wouldn't do the four and a half hour drive well. During our trip, baby Peanut cut his first molar. Poor guy didn't want to eat any solids for a week.
I turned 31 the day we returned from our vacation. It was uneventful. Cookie forgot, though after some drama he got me flowers the next day. They were pretty :)
I also had my period that day, the first one since I got pregnant. Which was annoying as hell. I also felt crappy and kind of disappointed because I thought I was pregnant. Meh. But at least I guess it's back on the realm of possibilities!
Turning 31 kind of freaked me up. I can't believe I'm over thirty. I feel like the last time I noticed I was still 27.
Work is pretty packed though I managed to finally get some stuff off my plate and I'm dealing with things as they come for now. I landed a big job, finishing the construction of the house of one of my first clients. The original architect left them mid construction and there's a lot to fix and finish, so it's a bit of a daunting project. But things are moving forward this week.
I finished two classes of the MBA in April and I started another two this last week. I hope I can get better organized this trimester so I don't end up working every Sunday against the clock. I did pretty well in the last trimester, so at least all those Sundays paid up.
I am feeling better after our trip. I was.. Angry and disappointed while we were on it, because I couldn't leave work behind, because I couldn't go to the beach, because taking care of the baby is exhausting and we are nowhere near sleeping the whole night (he is still waking up every two hours or so, still not over his casein intolerance, still not night weaned, etc). But I think even if I wasn't in the best of moods, I managed to recharge. I'm grateful l we got to go.
As I was finishing drafting the as-built plans for the big project today, I realized I've been working for almost 12 years now. Of those, 7 years I've been a free agent. I need to realize that no matter what the short term looks like, I have pretty much made it on my own, and I gotta be proud of all that work and grateful for all the opportunities I have had. It hasn't always been easy but I'm still standing, and that's something to b proud of.
We had Baby Peanut's baptism on April 23rd. After all the in law drama due our choice of godparents, it all well pretty well. No one said anything, just a few not super happy faces. Baby Peanut cried for the whole ceremony. He was the only baby cc crying, nonstop, for 45 minutes. THAT SURE WENT WELL.
After the ceremony we had a family party at my parents' place, half baptism celebration, half birthday party. We had tacos and a Totoro cake made by one of my sisters in law. All went well and was very tasty!
The next weekend we took a family photo session and had a smash the cake session for Eli. He was scared of his cake and cried every time he touched it. I guess the texture creeped him out?
We had a week and a half trip in early May. We stayed with my college friends and I had a wonderful time with them, even if work did not relent even while I was away, and despite how exhausting it was to take care of baby Peanut outside our routine and environment. We also got to see Cookie's cousins and family and spend some days with them, so it was nice. And I got to see my brother too. Flying with a one year old was... Stressful. And packed. Not the easiest of endeavors. But we managed and came back in one piece, even if we had to forgo the trip to the beach - I realized once we were planning it that Eli wouldn't do the four and a half hour drive well. During our trip, baby Peanut cut his first molar. Poor guy didn't want to eat any solids for a week.
I turned 31 the day we returned from our vacation. It was uneventful. Cookie forgot, though after some drama he got me flowers the next day. They were pretty :)
I also had my period that day, the first one since I got pregnant. Which was annoying as hell. I also felt crappy and kind of disappointed because I thought I was pregnant. Meh. But at least I guess it's back on the realm of possibilities!
Turning 31 kind of freaked me up. I can't believe I'm over thirty. I feel like the last time I noticed I was still 27.
Work is pretty packed though I managed to finally get some stuff off my plate and I'm dealing with things as they come for now. I landed a big job, finishing the construction of the house of one of my first clients. The original architect left them mid construction and there's a lot to fix and finish, so it's a bit of a daunting project. But things are moving forward this week.
I finished two classes of the MBA in April and I started another two this last week. I hope I can get better organized this trimester so I don't end up working every Sunday against the clock. I did pretty well in the last trimester, so at least all those Sundays paid up.
I am feeling better after our trip. I was.. Angry and disappointed while we were on it, because I couldn't leave work behind, because I couldn't go to the beach, because taking care of the baby is exhausting and we are nowhere near sleeping the whole night (he is still waking up every two hours or so, still not over his casein intolerance, still not night weaned, etc). But I think even if I wasn't in the best of moods, I managed to recharge. I'm grateful l we got to go.
As I was finishing drafting the as-built plans for the big project today, I realized I've been working for almost 12 years now. Of those, 7 years I've been a free agent. I need to realize that no matter what the short term looks like, I have pretty much made it on my own, and I gotta be proud of all that work and grateful for all the opportunities I have had. It hasn't always been easy but I'm still standing, and that's something to b proud of.
jueves, 3 de marzo de 2016
10 months!
Baby Peanut is now crawling! No more army crawling with his face, but honest to God crawling. He also cruises around furniture and is fearless standing up, often trying to walk on his own (and failing quite spectacularly still, but he tries!) I love hearing his laugh as we run after the dogs or towards his grandma, or just walking around the house, laughing because he is so proud of himself. He has the best laugh.
He weights 10 kilos fully clothed, so probably more like 9.800. We are up to date with his vaccines and he is chubby but leaner and has a big big head.
He weights 10 kilos fully clothed, so probably more like 9.800. We are up to date with his vaccines and he is chubby but leaner and has a big big head.
Such a big head.
Sleep is still a crazy endeavor. He still wakes about every hour and a half/two hours. I don't know how to improve on that, though we got through the worst of the growth spurt/sleep regression (hard to call it a regression when he hasn't sleep more than 3 hours in a row since in months) by going back to his reflux medication. After all the meds from The Cold From Hell his stomach just wasn't the same. I'm back on a strict no dairy products diet and he's back on Nexium. I think part of the problem was that he got 5 teeth in a month, so maybe... Sleep might improve? Someday!
He has 7 teeth now, and swollen gums on the top premolars canines. Gah. I thought we might have to wean soon when he got all the teeth because he was chaffing my nipples when he sucked, but things have improved and we're back on track. I would like to meet my one year goal, then we'll see how we feel about it. He loves to breastfeed and shows no signs of self weaning, but I'm starting to feel more ready to stop... I don't want to quit cold turkey or anything, and it wasn't even on my kind for a long time, so lately when I eye my non-breastfeeding friendly clothes I just think to myself that soon he'll be done with this part of his life, and it's bittersweet. I will miss this connection a lot.
Work is really busy right now, though I'm still struggling financially. Teaching was my only steady income so I'm fully freelancing right now. Construction on C&D's house is going well, but I'm not taking any money from there yet. I am working with an old client on the design for her new home's bathrooms and fixing some issues the house has, but that's only just starting. Our side business of decorative pillows has been doing really well thanks to Pam's hard work, so I'm doing what I can to help and keep up. We're decorating and apartment for rent for a client, which has been a lot of scavenging for good design for cheap. I hope we'll be done with that next week. The MBA program is kicking my ass, finding time to do homework is proving really difficult. The classes are really off my area of knowledge and the teachers aren't doing much explaining, which is a problem I have ran into a lot with the online program. But we're halfway done with this trimester! I can do it! I have one mandatory credit left and three optional ones, so mayyyybe the optional ones can be less ass kicking? I am just realizing this, I am almost done with the core classes!
After a lot of working around hurdles it seems like we might get him baptized this month. I want to do a little get together but it's a bit daunting. So much family! Such unruly nephews! I fear it might be a disaster! But I will be glad to get that done and all the possible drama out of the way (there has been a lot of drama with my in laws about our choice of godparents, but as it often plays out, it's mostly passive aggressive drama).
I welcome March feeling better. February was better than January, mood wise if not sleep wise, and I think March is going to be better. I am hopeful. I am thankful. It's all going to be okay.
domingo, 31 de enero de 2016
9 months
So finally little Peanut has lived in the outside world as long as he lived in my womb. That is some really crazy perspective.
He's currently fighting a throat infection, and though he has been better yesterday and today, he's still on antibiotics (or, more like back on antibiotics, since he finished the prescribed period but the symptoms persist so the doctor said to continue a few more days). It has been a very difficult week, though in general I feel like January was a bit better. This week was marked by bouts of vomiting, fever, screaming and crying while we gave him dose after dose of medicines and a really exhausted household.
This week also marks my return to the MBA. I am terrified because I have very little free time for homework, so even though it's all virtual, or maybe because it is, it is really hard to dedicate six or eight hours a week to it. I am struggling because when I'm home with the husband and the baby there is really not a way to disengage from them.
I made a resolution this week to talk people around me up, instead of complaining about them (this week was heavy on the complaining side), but I struggle with the level of shared responsibility for the baby with Cookie. Doing homework (or more like, trying and failing) for the master is just one symptom of the problem. I don't know how to breach the subject without having an open war, but I think I'm reaching the point that if it takes a full blown ugly argument to touch the subject, I'll have a full blown ugly argument. I know I tend to blame other people and be angry with them when things don't go as I planned them, when in reality I am also to blame and most things cannot be planned or expected to go as one wishes, so I reaaaally need to work on that because it's a very ugly trait of mine.
So. Talking up. Not blaming (even if it's done 90% just in my head). Add those to my 2016 list, along with having a meatless dinner a week (this week is was fried rice with veggies, last week it was veggie chow mein! I am looking for more suggestions/ideas!) and cooking more. Since I got pregnant and most of last year I really pushed the envelope on eating out because no time, cooking making me nauseous, etc, but it's hurting our budget. I am trying to get back on track on the budgeting and better financial organization as well. So far... Uhh. Well, as soon as I finish paying my car insurance I'll be debt free, and ready to start saving again. Last year I didn't meet my savings mark because I went crazy on December. Between Christmas presents and impulse buys and paying bonuses for my eventual employees (some of them, like our cleaning lady and my first mason at work not really eventual at all) it got really out of hand.
We also had a few things to pay for that hit me this month, one of them our water pump breaking and needing to be entirely replaced (waaah!) and the yearly house taxes and the car yearly service. On the good news, I finished Ms. T's house renovation and I am mostly done with a facade project. The project that was stressing me out the most kind of fell through the cracks and the client never contacted me again. I think we are even? The first payment does cover what I did, pretty much, so. I am not worrying about it anymore.
On the work department there are some new projects on the horizon. Tomorrow me and Pam are meeting a client for whom we made an interior design proposal and budget last week. Cris and David's house addition, which I started on December, is going a bit slowly, but it's going well, so I'm hoping February shows some mayor advances there. Currently we have all the columns and the iron structure for the major beams of the first floor, which I hope we can pour next weekend. So by the end of next month I hope we'll be working on the second floor's roof.
Eli's achievements are many! I haven't weighted or measured him this month, but he can cruise around the playpen, stand up supporting himself, and kinda scoot backwards when he tries to crawl. Crawling is his bane! He can't get his head around it. But he claps and says 'mama' and 'apa' and feeds himself and signs milk and more, he waves bye bye, gives many hugs and kisses, and loves pandas so much. He points where the panda is on one of his books and loves to touch and look at the box of Takenoko. I am currently trying to teach him the signs for mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, sleep, cookie, bath, all done, diaper change, eat and thirsty. He.. Doesn't seem to give a damn! But maybe soon?
On the sleep front, we're still bedsharing and he's still waking up multiple times a night to feed. It's hard, but this week while he was sick he would only take the breast, and then for a day and a half he wouldn't even breastfeed much, he felt so sick, that I am very grateful that he's feeling better enough to wake up to eat. I know he will eventually demand less milk, even if right now it feels like he's the only 9 month old that doesn't sleep a long stretch at night. I have been trying to coach my sister in law, who had a failed breastfeeding relationship with her son 7 years ago, with her new baby. Her pediatrician is not supportive at all and this causes her plenty of confusion and anxiety. My other sister in law's sister also gave birth this month and I gave some more successful advice to her, so that makes me happy! I am still halfway through the breastfeeding online certification class I started months ago, but a lot of the initial problems with breastfeeding come from un supportive pediatricians or family. My brother's wife also had a baby girl this month (so many babies!) but her previous experience was mostly successful, so we talk about it a lot, and it's nice to have that to bond over, since we aren't super close. I am currently That Crazy Breastfeeding Lady, I know.
The baby is asleep to I will return to homework for as long as it lasts! I can do this! 12 more weeks to go!
He's currently fighting a throat infection, and though he has been better yesterday and today, he's still on antibiotics (or, more like back on antibiotics, since he finished the prescribed period but the symptoms persist so the doctor said to continue a few more days). It has been a very difficult week, though in general I feel like January was a bit better. This week was marked by bouts of vomiting, fever, screaming and crying while we gave him dose after dose of medicines and a really exhausted household.
This week also marks my return to the MBA. I am terrified because I have very little free time for homework, so even though it's all virtual, or maybe because it is, it is really hard to dedicate six or eight hours a week to it. I am struggling because when I'm home with the husband and the baby there is really not a way to disengage from them.
I made a resolution this week to talk people around me up, instead of complaining about them (this week was heavy on the complaining side), but I struggle with the level of shared responsibility for the baby with Cookie. Doing homework (or more like, trying and failing) for the master is just one symptom of the problem. I don't know how to breach the subject without having an open war, but I think I'm reaching the point that if it takes a full blown ugly argument to touch the subject, I'll have a full blown ugly argument. I know I tend to blame other people and be angry with them when things don't go as I planned them, when in reality I am also to blame and most things cannot be planned or expected to go as one wishes, so I reaaaally need to work on that because it's a very ugly trait of mine.
So. Talking up. Not blaming (even if it's done 90% just in my head). Add those to my 2016 list, along with having a meatless dinner a week (this week is was fried rice with veggies, last week it was veggie chow mein! I am looking for more suggestions/ideas!) and cooking more. Since I got pregnant and most of last year I really pushed the envelope on eating out because no time, cooking making me nauseous, etc, but it's hurting our budget. I am trying to get back on track on the budgeting and better financial organization as well. So far... Uhh. Well, as soon as I finish paying my car insurance I'll be debt free, and ready to start saving again. Last year I didn't meet my savings mark because I went crazy on December. Between Christmas presents and impulse buys and paying bonuses for my eventual employees (some of them, like our cleaning lady and my first mason at work not really eventual at all) it got really out of hand.
We also had a few things to pay for that hit me this month, one of them our water pump breaking and needing to be entirely replaced (waaah!) and the yearly house taxes and the car yearly service. On the good news, I finished Ms. T's house renovation and I am mostly done with a facade project. The project that was stressing me out the most kind of fell through the cracks and the client never contacted me again. I think we are even? The first payment does cover what I did, pretty much, so. I am not worrying about it anymore.
On the work department there are some new projects on the horizon. Tomorrow me and Pam are meeting a client for whom we made an interior design proposal and budget last week. Cris and David's house addition, which I started on December, is going a bit slowly, but it's going well, so I'm hoping February shows some mayor advances there. Currently we have all the columns and the iron structure for the major beams of the first floor, which I hope we can pour next weekend. So by the end of next month I hope we'll be working on the second floor's roof.
Eli's achievements are many! I haven't weighted or measured him this month, but he can cruise around the playpen, stand up supporting himself, and kinda scoot backwards when he tries to crawl. Crawling is his bane! He can't get his head around it. But he claps and says 'mama' and 'apa' and feeds himself and signs milk and more, he waves bye bye, gives many hugs and kisses, and loves pandas so much. He points where the panda is on one of his books and loves to touch and look at the box of Takenoko. I am currently trying to teach him the signs for mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, sleep, cookie, bath, all done, diaper change, eat and thirsty. He.. Doesn't seem to give a damn! But maybe soon?
On the sleep front, we're still bedsharing and he's still waking up multiple times a night to feed. It's hard, but this week while he was sick he would only take the breast, and then for a day and a half he wouldn't even breastfeed much, he felt so sick, that I am very grateful that he's feeling better enough to wake up to eat. I know he will eventually demand less milk, even if right now it feels like he's the only 9 month old that doesn't sleep a long stretch at night. I have been trying to coach my sister in law, who had a failed breastfeeding relationship with her son 7 years ago, with her new baby. Her pediatrician is not supportive at all and this causes her plenty of confusion and anxiety. My other sister in law's sister also gave birth this month and I gave some more successful advice to her, so that makes me happy! I am still halfway through the breastfeeding online certification class I started months ago, but a lot of the initial problems with breastfeeding come from un supportive pediatricians or family. My brother's wife also had a baby girl this month (so many babies!) but her previous experience was mostly successful, so we talk about it a lot, and it's nice to have that to bond over, since we aren't super close. I am currently That Crazy Breastfeeding Lady, I know.
The baby is asleep to I will return to homework for as long as it lasts! I can do this! 12 more weeks to go!
lunes, 11 de enero de 2016
High hopes
I'm feeling much better than at the end of 2015 these days. Though I'm really tired I feel like I'm coping a bit better with my anxiety.
This week I signed back on the MBA. I have six credits left (out of sixteen!) SO I really think my if I can stick to it I can finish it this year. It's been six years since I started it, I feel pretty embarrassed! When I first started I only did two classes, then started a four year hiatus as I started freelancing, then met Cookie, then married. Two year ago I returned, and was progressing well, then took another break when baby Peanut was born and I returned to school. I didn't feel like I could manage the MBA on top of that, but now that I'm not teaching anymore... I am very nervous out, I hope I can manage. It's all online, so in theory I have a chance of doing in it my "own" time. I don't feel like a own a lot of time right now, though! Hopefully Cookie will step up and help me more with the baby on weekends so I can do homework.
I don't particularly need the MBA for my work, so mostly this is a time investment for when I return to teach, in what
Cookie and I estimate will be five to ten years. A lot will obviously change in that time! But I need the grade for teaching in most schools, and right now I had managed that by being on the program and having an estimated date to finishing it. So having the grade will be an asset, come what may.
I also really want to finish it because my father is retiring this year. Because he works at the University this is probably the last year I can get a scholarship. Another reason to be embarrassed for not finishing sooner! Without the scholarship it would be a bit difficult for me to pay for it. I suppose I just kept letting life get in the way and being complacent, but I have a serious deadline now.
This week I signed back on the MBA. I have six credits left (out of sixteen!) SO I really think my if I can stick to it I can finish it this year. It's been six years since I started it, I feel pretty embarrassed! When I first started I only did two classes, then started a four year hiatus as I started freelancing, then met Cookie, then married. Two year ago I returned, and was progressing well, then took another break when baby Peanut was born and I returned to school. I didn't feel like I could manage the MBA on top of that, but now that I'm not teaching anymore... I am very nervous out, I hope I can manage. It's all online, so in theory I have a chance of doing in it my "own" time. I don't feel like a own a lot of time right now, though! Hopefully Cookie will step up and help me more with the baby on weekends so I can do homework.
I don't particularly need the MBA for my work, so mostly this is a time investment for when I return to teach, in what
Cookie and I estimate will be five to ten years. A lot will obviously change in that time! But I need the grade for teaching in most schools, and right now I had managed that by being on the program and having an estimated date to finishing it. So having the grade will be an asset, come what may.
I also really want to finish it because my father is retiring this year. Because he works at the University this is probably the last year I can get a scholarship. Another reason to be embarrassed for not finishing sooner! Without the scholarship it would be a bit difficult for me to pay for it. I suppose I just kept letting life get in the way and being complacent, but I have a serious deadline now.
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