We met yesterday at the park, you with your husband and your 14 month old and me with Cookie and our 15 month old. You looked younger than us, and you seemed worried about everything about your baby. When our husbands went off to catch pokemons (the real reason we were all there) you asked me how old our baby was, two years? And worried about how small your baby was, how thin, and asked if our baby was in daycare. How you were going crazy staying in all day with him, but you couldn't decide if it was a good idea to part with him. You worried about how little he spoke (I know I worry about that too and your baby had more words than Baby Peanut) and confessed, with almost an apology, that he had always been breastfed and was still breastfeeding.
Mom At the Park, I wanna tell you, your baby is perfect. I'm not saying this in a bullshitty way, like how all babies are perfect no matter what (though they are, too, says my instinct and my heart). But he spoke well, he had great coordination, he shared rocks with Elias, he walked and climbed and sat up and down and drank from a cup with a straw. Your baby is developmentally normal. Perfect.
Perhaps it's not often that normal and perfect are used as synonyms, but it doesn't matter what weight percentile your baby falls in if he's staying in his curve and developing all his milestones. Stop worrying. Don't apologize, and certainly not to me, a stranger in the park that also still breastfeeds her gigant headed 15 month old.
I know I worry too. I mentioned his lack of words and his giant head and I didn't say anything but I worry about his weight too, because he used to be super chubby and he's becoming lean and I read that's normal but he's falling odd his curve and yet... He's meeting his milestones. He's happy and crazy and fine. Sure, he's big, compared to your baby. Or your baby, he's small, compared to mine. But did you see them compare each other? They were trading rocks and playing with sticks and touching each other and giggling. They don't worry about that stuff. They grow. They play. They are happy.
Let's not worry so much, you and I. I didn't mention, because I felt a little weird, but I should have said so anyway: you looked really pretty yesterday. Your baby is adorable and perfect. You are doing a great job.
I know it's hard to believe. But I think we both are.
domingo, 21 de agosto de 2016
domingo, 10 de julio de 2016
Everything changes but stays the same
The new single bed has made pretty much no difference in our sleeping schedules. Other than it being more difficult to put Baby Peanut to sleep, since he can climb down from it or up to our bed, but really, is not even that bad. I like that he can lay on his bed, get up, climb down, play around, climb back. I think it makes him feel much more independent and it shows, around the house he can spend more and more time playing by himself while I clean or cook.
Sleep is the same. He keeps waking every hour and a half. Still nurses at least three times during the day and pretty much with every waking during the night. He is sleeping longer naps, though, which is good! From an hour to two and a half, depending on how hot it is, where he is sleeping, noise, etc.
Someone close to me made a fb post about how after 9 months, breastfeeding was just about being dependant, nothing else. I keep telling myself, you know, it's not personal, it's not about you, it's about her baby and what she thinks is best for her, but I see her very often and she knows what our nursing relationship is. It's hard to not feel judged. I know nursing a 14 month old is not that common, but it's hard to hear things like that, like I'm doing him some psychological harm. Or the implicit idea that I'm weak, because I can't stand to put limits and wean him/stop cosleeping /stop roomsharing. That is why, surely, he doesn't sleep through the night.
It makes me feel bad because I wish he would sleep through the night. I have tried giving him a heavy dinner, massages, letting him cry, singing him to sleep instead of nursing him, putting him in his pen and walking away, staying with him, putting him to bed earlier, later. Everything I can think of. Gentle methods and controlled crying methods and just.. Nothing. And if does make me feel like a failure. But everything else, all other aspects of his life, he's doing great. He eats great, he's very social, loving, gentle, silly and fun, he's growing well, he's healthy and happy...
He doesn't sleep well. He's still nursing at 14 months, with no weaning in sight, no matter if I might want to or not (I would like to night wean, but haven't managed it). On my calmest days, I say, he'll sleep when he sleeps. He's so big already, this is what's left of his baby hood.
On my bad days, I feel defeated, embarrassed, tired, a failure of a mother and wife. Because yes, I wish he would sleep. On his bed. All night.
But all we have is today, this reality we live in, and whatever I wish was but isn't is not part of it. I must let it go. Be here, present, today. Enjoy his baby hands on my breast, his twinkling eyes, his heavy little body on my own, and the long nights where all there is is this peaceful bond between baby and mom. One day it will be gone, and it will feel like it was such a short time to enjoy. I don't want to spend it suffering.
I will try to have more good, patient days, and let go.
Sleep is the same. He keeps waking every hour and a half. Still nurses at least three times during the day and pretty much with every waking during the night. He is sleeping longer naps, though, which is good! From an hour to two and a half, depending on how hot it is, where he is sleeping, noise, etc.
Someone close to me made a fb post about how after 9 months, breastfeeding was just about being dependant, nothing else. I keep telling myself, you know, it's not personal, it's not about you, it's about her baby and what she thinks is best for her, but I see her very often and she knows what our nursing relationship is. It's hard to not feel judged. I know nursing a 14 month old is not that common, but it's hard to hear things like that, like I'm doing him some psychological harm. Or the implicit idea that I'm weak, because I can't stand to put limits and wean him/stop cosleeping /stop roomsharing. That is why, surely, he doesn't sleep through the night.
It makes me feel bad because I wish he would sleep through the night. I have tried giving him a heavy dinner, massages, letting him cry, singing him to sleep instead of nursing him, putting him in his pen and walking away, staying with him, putting him to bed earlier, later. Everything I can think of. Gentle methods and controlled crying methods and just.. Nothing. And if does make me feel like a failure. But everything else, all other aspects of his life, he's doing great. He eats great, he's very social, loving, gentle, silly and fun, he's growing well, he's healthy and happy...
He doesn't sleep well. He's still nursing at 14 months, with no weaning in sight, no matter if I might want to or not (I would like to night wean, but haven't managed it). On my calmest days, I say, he'll sleep when he sleeps. He's so big already, this is what's left of his baby hood.
On my bad days, I feel defeated, embarrassed, tired, a failure of a mother and wife. Because yes, I wish he would sleep. On his bed. All night.
But all we have is today, this reality we live in, and whatever I wish was but isn't is not part of it. I must let it go. Be here, present, today. Enjoy his baby hands on my breast, his twinkling eyes, his heavy little body on my own, and the long nights where all there is is this peaceful bond between baby and mom. One day it will be gone, and it will feel like it was such a short time to enjoy. I don't want to spend it suffering.
I will try to have more good, patient days, and let go.
miércoles, 29 de junio de 2016
New bed!
Yesterday I bought a matress for Baby Peanut and it arrived today! I'm attempting to move him tonight. I'll still be super close as I put the matress beside my side of the bed, so hopefully the night feeding won't be too difficult.
Baby Peanut is still asking for milk four or five times a night. I have heard it all at this point: that he doesn't need milk at night, that my milk isn't good enough anymore, that his wakings are my fault for not sleep training him/weaning him, that he'll sleep when he walks/turns one/stops teething... I really just think he'll sleeps when he sleeps at this point. I have done at least one more attempt at night weaning him since I last mentioned it here, and the results were the same: inconsolable crying for 45 minutes followed by sighs and weeping while he sleeps. It was in no way restful for him or for me, and he keeps waking every two or three hours, so I'm really not interested in seeing if the cycle repeats all night long.
He was excited about the bed and played a lot before bedtime. He wa happy about being able to climb up and down easily, and seemed to like the feeling of a semi closed pen. I hope we have a good night! I really want us to transition without tears.
Baby Peanut is still asking for milk four or five times a night. I have heard it all at this point: that he doesn't need milk at night, that my milk isn't good enough anymore, that his wakings are my fault for not sleep training him/weaning him, that he'll sleep when he walks/turns one/stops teething... I really just think he'll sleeps when he sleeps at this point. I have done at least one more attempt at night weaning him since I last mentioned it here, and the results were the same: inconsolable crying for 45 minutes followed by sighs and weeping while he sleeps. It was in no way restful for him or for me, and he keeps waking every two or three hours, so I'm really not interested in seeing if the cycle repeats all night long.
He was excited about the bed and played a lot before bedtime. He wa happy about being able to climb up and down easily, and seemed to like the feeling of a semi closed pen. I hope we have a good night! I really want us to transition without tears.
martes, 21 de junio de 2016
The return of the anxiety monster
It's been a difficult couple of weeks. This weekend in particular was very draining as work has piled on and gotten very demanding, with clients that aren't satisfied with the end results and projects that have turned to be huge investments of time, eating away at any profit that we were going to make.
I have stress dreams and lay awake in the small hours of the morning, thinking of everything that might go wrong and thinking how I can run away from all the imagined disasters. I am exhausted, physically and mentally, short tempered, sad, just about ready to drop all work projects and just stay home with the baby.
The MBA is eating away at the few free hours of the weekend. I am constantly on, working or thinking about work, on the phone or preparing budgets and presentations or driving around and buying whatever we need at the construction site. This is my job, I know, it's not asking anything unexpected of me, but I can barely hold it together.
Cookie and I are having problems too. Two weeks ago I was on the verge of leaving. I managed to calm down and we talked, mostly about redistribution of house chores, because I am so tired all the time, I just need something to be off my plate. Anything. But it did get really ugly, even if it was a very calm conversation, and he said he was ready to leave too, but he was much more confident in our love than I was. I have been praying and asking for strength and patience and understanding, because I do love him, and I don't want us to fail.
I thought I was over PPD and PPA. Thought I had managed to get past them on my own. But here we are again, very much in the same state I was in late November. Needing help and unsure if I want to medicate.
Baby Peanut is doing great. He walks and plays and climbs and crawls. I think he's a bit behind since he really doesn't say anything but mama. But he signs some and I know he understand a lot, so I hope his vocabulary grows before it officially becomes a speech delay. He is gorgeous. Loves his dogs and gently pets them, loves to give kisses and hugs, flirts with all the ladies he sees. I don't know why I torture myself with work. I wish I had more time for my baby and a more relaxed life.
I guess I'm the only one that can find the balance, no matter how hard it might be to say no and drop clients and projects. Something has to give.
I have stress dreams and lay awake in the small hours of the morning, thinking of everything that might go wrong and thinking how I can run away from all the imagined disasters. I am exhausted, physically and mentally, short tempered, sad, just about ready to drop all work projects and just stay home with the baby.
The MBA is eating away at the few free hours of the weekend. I am constantly on, working or thinking about work, on the phone or preparing budgets and presentations or driving around and buying whatever we need at the construction site. This is my job, I know, it's not asking anything unexpected of me, but I can barely hold it together.
Cookie and I are having problems too. Two weeks ago I was on the verge of leaving. I managed to calm down and we talked, mostly about redistribution of house chores, because I am so tired all the time, I just need something to be off my plate. Anything. But it did get really ugly, even if it was a very calm conversation, and he said he was ready to leave too, but he was much more confident in our love than I was. I have been praying and asking for strength and patience and understanding, because I do love him, and I don't want us to fail.
I thought I was over PPD and PPA. Thought I had managed to get past them on my own. But here we are again, very much in the same state I was in late November. Needing help and unsure if I want to medicate.
Baby Peanut is doing great. He walks and plays and climbs and crawls. I think he's a bit behind since he really doesn't say anything but mama. But he signs some and I know he understand a lot, so I hope his vocabulary grows before it officially becomes a speech delay. He is gorgeous. Loves his dogs and gently pets them, loves to give kisses and hugs, flirts with all the ladies he sees. I don't know why I torture myself with work. I wish I had more time for my baby and a more relaxed life.
I guess I'm the only one that can find the balance, no matter how hard it might be to say no and drop clients and projects. Something has to give.
martes, 24 de mayo de 2016
Back from our vacation, time for some perspective
I haven't posted in a while so I'll try to do a quick recap:
We had Baby Peanut's baptism on April 23rd. After all the in law drama due our choice of godparents, it all well pretty well. No one said anything, just a few not super happy faces. Baby Peanut cried for the whole ceremony. He was the only baby cc crying, nonstop, for 45 minutes. THAT SURE WENT WELL.
After the ceremony we had a family party at my parents' place, half baptism celebration, half birthday party. We had tacos and a Totoro cake made by one of my sisters in law. All went well and was very tasty!
The next weekend we took a family photo session and had a smash the cake session for Eli. He was scared of his cake and cried every time he touched it. I guess the texture creeped him out?
We had a week and a half trip in early May. We stayed with my college friends and I had a wonderful time with them, even if work did not relent even while I was away, and despite how exhausting it was to take care of baby Peanut outside our routine and environment. We also got to see Cookie's cousins and family and spend some days with them, so it was nice. And I got to see my brother too. Flying with a one year old was... Stressful. And packed. Not the easiest of endeavors. But we managed and came back in one piece, even if we had to forgo the trip to the beach - I realized once we were planning it that Eli wouldn't do the four and a half hour drive well. During our trip, baby Peanut cut his first molar. Poor guy didn't want to eat any solids for a week.
I turned 31 the day we returned from our vacation. It was uneventful. Cookie forgot, though after some drama he got me flowers the next day. They were pretty :)
I also had my period that day, the first one since I got pregnant. Which was annoying as hell. I also felt crappy and kind of disappointed because I thought I was pregnant. Meh. But at least I guess it's back on the realm of possibilities!
Turning 31 kind of freaked me up. I can't believe I'm over thirty. I feel like the last time I noticed I was still 27.
Work is pretty packed though I managed to finally get some stuff off my plate and I'm dealing with things as they come for now. I landed a big job, finishing the construction of the house of one of my first clients. The original architect left them mid construction and there's a lot to fix and finish, so it's a bit of a daunting project. But things are moving forward this week.
I finished two classes of the MBA in April and I started another two this last week. I hope I can get better organized this trimester so I don't end up working every Sunday against the clock. I did pretty well in the last trimester, so at least all those Sundays paid up.
I am feeling better after our trip. I was.. Angry and disappointed while we were on it, because I couldn't leave work behind, because I couldn't go to the beach, because taking care of the baby is exhausting and we are nowhere near sleeping the whole night (he is still waking up every two hours or so, still not over his casein intolerance, still not night weaned, etc). But I think even if I wasn't in the best of moods, I managed to recharge. I'm grateful l we got to go.
As I was finishing drafting the as-built plans for the big project today, I realized I've been working for almost 12 years now. Of those, 7 years I've been a free agent. I need to realize that no matter what the short term looks like, I have pretty much made it on my own, and I gotta be proud of all that work and grateful for all the opportunities I have had. It hasn't always been easy but I'm still standing, and that's something to b proud of.
We had Baby Peanut's baptism on April 23rd. After all the in law drama due our choice of godparents, it all well pretty well. No one said anything, just a few not super happy faces. Baby Peanut cried for the whole ceremony. He was the only baby cc crying, nonstop, for 45 minutes. THAT SURE WENT WELL.
After the ceremony we had a family party at my parents' place, half baptism celebration, half birthday party. We had tacos and a Totoro cake made by one of my sisters in law. All went well and was very tasty!
The next weekend we took a family photo session and had a smash the cake session for Eli. He was scared of his cake and cried every time he touched it. I guess the texture creeped him out?
We had a week and a half trip in early May. We stayed with my college friends and I had a wonderful time with them, even if work did not relent even while I was away, and despite how exhausting it was to take care of baby Peanut outside our routine and environment. We also got to see Cookie's cousins and family and spend some days with them, so it was nice. And I got to see my brother too. Flying with a one year old was... Stressful. And packed. Not the easiest of endeavors. But we managed and came back in one piece, even if we had to forgo the trip to the beach - I realized once we were planning it that Eli wouldn't do the four and a half hour drive well. During our trip, baby Peanut cut his first molar. Poor guy didn't want to eat any solids for a week.
I turned 31 the day we returned from our vacation. It was uneventful. Cookie forgot, though after some drama he got me flowers the next day. They were pretty :)
I also had my period that day, the first one since I got pregnant. Which was annoying as hell. I also felt crappy and kind of disappointed because I thought I was pregnant. Meh. But at least I guess it's back on the realm of possibilities!
Turning 31 kind of freaked me up. I can't believe I'm over thirty. I feel like the last time I noticed I was still 27.
Work is pretty packed though I managed to finally get some stuff off my plate and I'm dealing with things as they come for now. I landed a big job, finishing the construction of the house of one of my first clients. The original architect left them mid construction and there's a lot to fix and finish, so it's a bit of a daunting project. But things are moving forward this week.
I finished two classes of the MBA in April and I started another two this last week. I hope I can get better organized this trimester so I don't end up working every Sunday against the clock. I did pretty well in the last trimester, so at least all those Sundays paid up.
I am feeling better after our trip. I was.. Angry and disappointed while we were on it, because I couldn't leave work behind, because I couldn't go to the beach, because taking care of the baby is exhausting and we are nowhere near sleeping the whole night (he is still waking up every two hours or so, still not over his casein intolerance, still not night weaned, etc). But I think even if I wasn't in the best of moods, I managed to recharge. I'm grateful l we got to go.
As I was finishing drafting the as-built plans for the big project today, I realized I've been working for almost 12 years now. Of those, 7 years I've been a free agent. I need to realize that no matter what the short term looks like, I have pretty much made it on my own, and I gotta be proud of all that work and grateful for all the opportunities I have had. It hasn't always been easy but I'm still standing, and that's something to b proud of.
miércoles, 13 de abril de 2016
Elimination diet, teeth and walking
I managed to get two weeks without caffeine without slips this week, plus a week without rice, our new suspect. The caffeine elimination didn't seem to have much effect, but the rice elimination might have. Baby Peanut hasn't had reflux in a while and I think he's sleeping better, still waking up but more because he wakes when we move than because he's in pain. Not sure if it's the elimination diet or if it's because he cut his eight tooth last weekend. It could be either, really! This whole parenting thing is so not a science!
He's also beginning to walk unassisted! Two days ago he did it for my parents first and then for me later, a half dozen wobbly steps laughing all the way. I am so proud of him! He is such a happy dude! I think he'll be more confident and walking more in the next few days, so he'll be fully walking for our May vacation! He'll be a year old in two weeks! So, so soon.
We just got him his passport today as well. I feel like he's becoming a toddler so fast! How can it be?? He was a chubby baby just a few months ago.
I'm thinking of getting a fancy watch for Cookie for Baby Peanut's birthday. I've been thinking about buying it for a while, but it's very expensive, but Elias' birthday is also our first parenthood anniversary. And I think we're doing a good job. He's a great dad. We have come a long way!
Work is absolutely crazy right now. So. Much. Work. I can't get anything off my plate! Which is causing me some recurrent anxiety, but I hope I can get on top of things before our trip. Last time I was super swamped with work before a trip I got pregnant! Now I have an almost one year old to wrangle. I sure can use the vacation, I'm really looking forward to the time with our family and friends. And no work. No work at all.
He's also beginning to walk unassisted! Two days ago he did it for my parents first and then for me later, a half dozen wobbly steps laughing all the way. I am so proud of him! He is such a happy dude! I think he'll be more confident and walking more in the next few days, so he'll be fully walking for our May vacation! He'll be a year old in two weeks! So, so soon.
We just got him his passport today as well. I feel like he's becoming a toddler so fast! How can it be?? He was a chubby baby just a few months ago.
I'm thinking of getting a fancy watch for Cookie for Baby Peanut's birthday. I've been thinking about buying it for a while, but it's very expensive, but Elias' birthday is also our first parenthood anniversary. And I think we're doing a good job. He's a great dad. We have come a long way!
Work is absolutely crazy right now. So. Much. Work. I can't get anything off my plate! Which is causing me some recurrent anxiety, but I hope I can get on top of things before our trip. Last time I was super swamped with work before a trip I got pregnant! Now I have an almost one year old to wrangle. I sure can use the vacation, I'm really looking forward to the time with our family and friends. And no work. No work at all.
lunes, 28 de marzo de 2016
Sleepless adventures
It's been two weeks since I quit caffeine. Coffee and tea joined the list of things I really wish I could have, along with hot dog bread, hamburger bread, pizza, enchiladas, creamy pasta, smoothies, yogurt, and all dairy. Quitting dairy was hard at first, but I am mostly used to it by now, it's just eating out and craving desserts that get tough. Caffeine, on the other hand... at first it wasn't hard to quit, I expected some withdrawal and super sleepiness but I felt fine. But I've been craving it kind of bad on and off since then, and I've had a couple of slips during the Holy Week break.
Anyway, it seems to me that quitting caffeine has had no effect on Baby Peanut's sleep(less) nights. He had one good night last week where he slept four hours (angels singing!) and another night where he slept two 3 hour-long chunks and... that's it. I know it takes a while for my body to get rid of all traces of caffeine and a while for his little body to clean up too, and I know the process has been impeded by the occasional slip, but.. I had hoped to see more improvement than this.
I will do my best to keep at it for at least two full weeks with no slips, and if I see no improvement I'm just going to allow myself to have it again. He had excellent naps during this long weekend and still had terrible nights, so I don't know what else to do. The good news, though, is that he hasn't fall asleep on the breast three nights in a row, he eats until he pushes me away and then just chats and babbles for 10-15 minutes while he drifts of, which is great! I have hope!
Cookie took two weeks off work and had a staycation, which was nice. I still had to work but I tried to take it easier, though I definitely felt frustrated by the lack of productivity. Today is his first day back at work and I'm feeling closer to normal.
I've been battling anxiety for a couple of weeks. I had a bad experience in the decoration project, where a mason worker took the opportunity to go inside the apartment when I was alone and closed the door behind him, and started to chat me up. It raised all the flags in my head and scared the shit out of me, and I ended up literally running after my friend's car. When I mentioned the incident to the client he was concerned, but also made me feel like I had provoked him, asking me if I had previously chatted with the guy. Which I had! As normal people do! what normal people don't do is wait until a woman is alone to go and lock themselves with her. Just. Ugh.
Our decorative pillows business is selling head rests and bed stands made to order, and we had a run in with a client that ordered a model and a day after we delivered them to her place, she called to say her husband hadn't liked them and they wanted their money back. Which might be a possibility if we were a furniture store, which we aren't. There's a reason they are made to order, so we don't have stock, and because people want pretty specific things when they come to us. Anyway, the husband had a bad vibe around him, like the problem was that she had done the ordering and purchasing while he was away from home or something, along with problems like the bed stand didn't fit through their stairs (it was a regular double bed) and that the landlord didn't want them to remove a window to take it upstairs. She then said she had though it was a pull apart bed stand, which she never mentioned. And that it was too small for their double. I got very suspicious, because these are not small and mattresses have standard sizes, and I think the problem is that they have a queen size and ordered a double. All of which is not my problem! He did seem extremely macho and patronizing and she was super subdued and quiet around him, which is making me dread dealing with them. I don't really want to face him, and I hate having these thoughts about not being "alone". But.. better safe than sorry, I guess.
So.. work is making me a big anxious, specially because I'm behind and there's weird people out there, but everything is going mostly well. Baby Peanut is 11 months today! He's crawling around, cruising around furniture, making signs ("all done" and "dog" this weekend!) and being awesome. He's so bigggg, crazy little man.
I will do my best to keep at it for at least two full weeks with no slips, and if I see no improvement I'm just going to allow myself to have it again. He had excellent naps during this long weekend and still had terrible nights, so I don't know what else to do. The good news, though, is that he hasn't fall asleep on the breast three nights in a row, he eats until he pushes me away and then just chats and babbles for 10-15 minutes while he drifts of, which is great! I have hope!
Cookie took two weeks off work and had a staycation, which was nice. I still had to work but I tried to take it easier, though I definitely felt frustrated by the lack of productivity. Today is his first day back at work and I'm feeling closer to normal.
I've been battling anxiety for a couple of weeks. I had a bad experience in the decoration project, where a mason worker took the opportunity to go inside the apartment when I was alone and closed the door behind him, and started to chat me up. It raised all the flags in my head and scared the shit out of me, and I ended up literally running after my friend's car. When I mentioned the incident to the client he was concerned, but also made me feel like I had provoked him, asking me if I had previously chatted with the guy. Which I had! As normal people do! what normal people don't do is wait until a woman is alone to go and lock themselves with her. Just. Ugh.
Our decorative pillows business is selling head rests and bed stands made to order, and we had a run in with a client that ordered a model and a day after we delivered them to her place, she called to say her husband hadn't liked them and they wanted their money back. Which might be a possibility if we were a furniture store, which we aren't. There's a reason they are made to order, so we don't have stock, and because people want pretty specific things when they come to us. Anyway, the husband had a bad vibe around him, like the problem was that she had done the ordering and purchasing while he was away from home or something, along with problems like the bed stand didn't fit through their stairs (it was a regular double bed) and that the landlord didn't want them to remove a window to take it upstairs. She then said she had though it was a pull apart bed stand, which she never mentioned. And that it was too small for their double. I got very suspicious, because these are not small and mattresses have standard sizes, and I think the problem is that they have a queen size and ordered a double. All of which is not my problem! He did seem extremely macho and patronizing and she was super subdued and quiet around him, which is making me dread dealing with them. I don't really want to face him, and I hate having these thoughts about not being "alone". But.. better safe than sorry, I guess.
So.. work is making me a big anxious, specially because I'm behind and there's weird people out there, but everything is going mostly well. Baby Peanut is 11 months today! He's crawling around, cruising around furniture, making signs ("all done" and "dog" this weekend!) and being awesome. He's so bigggg, crazy little man.
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