Old beloved faces

We had an awful night last night. Baby Peanut woke up every two hours all night long, with a couple of stretches of 20 minutes between awakenings. I felt like I was losing it. Picking him up from the pack and play or from the bed can be kind of awkward -holy 17 pounds, baby!- and my back felt like it was going to give up.

After three students messaged me saying they were not making it to class today and a whole group telling me they were out on a visit and were going to come in late, I decided to skip school today. Screw it. I needed a break. So I went to order the day's construction materials after breakfast and then headed to my mom's. We went shopping for a baby chair, and I got an awesomeeee oneeee, and it was on sale, and we looked at clothes and mom bought a sweater and everything was really nice!

Then K sent me a message about how she thought the installation of the lighting fixtures was included on the budget, and it sent me into a tizzy of anxiety and thebudgetsayslightingfixturesarenotincluededaughnooaughaugh and that kind of destroyed my ability to decide if I should buy a baby bathtub or not. The one we have is my brother's, and his baby will be born in December and Peanut will be 8 months then so maybe I won't need a tub but then I don't want to shower twice every day also I always said bath time should be daddy time so *fizzles crackles explodes*

So I didn't buy the tub though I think I will be back to get it. We really won't have a changing station otherwise, and I don't want to rely on my brother not needing it to keep our routine.

Anyway! Wow, those were a lot of words about nothing. When I was going through my anxiety attack at the store, I also got a call from my best friend. He moved away a few years ago, then hooked up with one of the few real friends I've made after school and she moved away as well. They are in town! For a wedding! Surprise, did I want to have lunch? *fizzles crackles explodes with happines* I can't even begin to explain how good it is to see them, how much I miss my friends. I've been super lucky and I have seen all but one of them this year. It always hits me hard, realizing how lonely I feel when I say goodbye. These people, I chose them, and they chose me, and we work to keep our friendships going. It's not about the convenience of seeing each other at work, not the forced friendships of routine. These are my *friends*. I miss the hell out of them, and I'm incredibly lucky to have had a day with them, amidst so many difficult days.