Frayed at the edges

I guess there are only so many posts I can make about being depressed and dealing with the waves of anxiety that keep throwing me off balance, but here is one more.

The holidays are always a taxing time for me. Seeing so much family and meeting friends and going to Christmas' parties (which I bypassed entirely this year) usually means that by December 26th I'm really frayed at the edges. By the end of the year I am on the verge of screaming. I don't have much time to recharge and it's cold and I know it sounds so ungrateful, like, ugh, I have all this *family* and *friends*, but it's not that! I love seeing them, but my energy levels just plummet as the season progresses.

Add baby Peanut to the mix and our household is hella tired, including the baby. He's missing naps and going really late to bed and missing baths and his meds for the reflux and too excited to eat and skipping meals, getting up early to meet people, so many new uncles and aunts! So much love! It's awesome and I am so happy that he got to meet pretty much everybody, and that they met him and had a chance of spending time with him one on one. It's been awesome! And exhausting!

Tomorrow I'm starting the house addition I didn't want to start during Christmas' week. I don't want to start it tomorrow either. I took on another project for a facade as well. I don't know how to stop! I don't want to have so much work right now, but I don't think I can outright stop working. I feel overwhelmed and anxious and stressed, as is the usual lately.

A friend had a c-section last Monday. I am really glad that everything went really well, specially because she lost a baby last year. We were pregnant together for a while. She seems to be doing so well, she's so happy and seems so relaxed! I... I am envious of how quickly she bonded with her baby, of how together she seems. I feel like I'm falling to pieces while she breezes through the first week post partum. Of course I'm glad for her! I don't wish PPD/PPA on anyone. I wish I was more together, though.

I dropped my phone on Christmas Eve and broke the display. This has been one really expensive December. But, on the bright side, I saw all of my college friends this week. I had breakfast/lunch/dinner with them, and I saw Cookie's college friends as well. It was awesome. I felt loved and comfortable and laughed a lot. I am thankful. Here's to good friends, family, and a healthier 2016.