Restless

The sleep front remains the same, with the baby sleeping a three or four hour chunk some lucky nights and then waking up every hour and a half or every two hours to eat. I have kind of found my peace (and comfort) with cosleeping and I feel better. I'm still battling a lot of anxiety, I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap or steal the baby when we're outside, or that someone will break into the house and steal the baby. It's obvious these thoughts are out of control and very unlikely events, but I'm having a hard time not thinking them. At night I still struggle with fear of SIDS, specially while he sleeps in our bed. Recent research shows that proper safety in the family bed actually diminishes the risk of sudden infant death, but we do have a cover and Cookie and I do use our pillows, we have made a sort of spartan zone in the middle of the bed where the baby sleeps. Before bedsharing he was sleeping in a pack and play (where he sleeps the first chunks of the night) right beside me, but for some reason he can't settle back in there in the middle of the night.

I feel like we're doing what we need to sleep right now, so I try to not cling to the anxiety monster too much. I'm still very short on patience at school, and rather disenchanted with work, as it feels very grindy right now. K's house is still NOT finished, mostly because I haven't gone to do the last details and because they just decided on the lighting fixtures this week. Next week we just HAVE to be done with it, I don't think I can handle having it in the back of my mind anymore. H&C's entryway is almost done too, and with some luck it should be finished in a week or two tops. Ms. Prado's dining room renovation is going well-ish. I am afraid of a hundred details going wrong, but so far nothing has gotten too out of hand, so I hope it continues that way.  No end in sight for it yet, maybe a couple of weeks.

I just feel like I need to do... More. Time is so short, I have a lot of things waiting for "when I have a chance", and it's frustrating. I know everyone struggles with deadlines and work loads, it's not anything special, and in a grindy, harried way, I think I am coping as well as I can with the workload. But it's the restless feeling, the frustration and impatience, that I feel is making me bad company right now. I wish I could get rid of those, since I know work is just never going to stop being challenging. My brain is using up energy I don't have to spare to worry about things that don't matter. I wish I knew how to deal with that.