Anxiety dreams

Last night I had two dreams that pretty much sum up my personal life anxieties. (Talking about dreams! Is there anything more boring? Ugh! Sorry!) In one, Cookie wrote me a letter (on the dusty layer of grim of a car's door, uhm) about how he couldn't believe we could go from having a good, nay, a happy, great day, to not speaking to each other, and how it all boiled down to my relationship with the baby. It was resentful and accusing, and then I read it again and the spirit was the same but not accusing, just sad. I woke up feeling like shit from that one. Because yes, I had just lost it before going to bed while we got the baby ready for bed. As I have been losing it all week. He was asleep on his side of the bed, far away, and the baby in the middle. I don't know how to fix that. They are both (should be both) my priorities, but I seriously don't know how to do *more* without turning into psycho bitch.

The other dream was more violent. I was heading out of my parent's house with the baby in his car seat when a short woman started pushing me, poking at me with something. I felt angry, and asked her what the hell she was doing. She had a gun, and was nervously trying to rob me. I got so angry, I started to fight her for the gun, with the bay car seat still in one hand (all 20 pounds of it). She was much smaller and was making no sense and I was Not Letting Her Take My Baby Or My Money, so I turned the gun on her. I woke up before I shot her, feeling like I already had, like she was already dead, feeling no remorse, only vaguely wondering if I would go to jail.

I have been so afraid of someone stealing the baby, I guess it's no surprise that it would eventually show up in my dreams. And I have been so neurotic and impatient with Cookie, that I guess it's normal to feel sad and afraid about the state of our relationship.

I did fall back asleep pretty easily after both dreams, though. And I just managed to put the baby down for a nap, so I can work for a bit before school. So. No big deal. I can do this. I will beat the anxiety.