Guilt

K's house is... Done. Not done-done forever done, since I need to replace a lamp shade that broke when we unwrapped the lamp, and then I need to do some other small stuff, but it's done as in I turned the keys in and they (mostly) paid what they owed us. I say mostly because the past three weeks have been hell, since K decided everything was badly done, I had been very unprofessional and it was very unfair (???) that I would charge her for my services.

Rude exchange after rude exchange, we finally managed to get an appointment with her on Friday, except she "missed" it. We got to talk with her husband, who was a)very pleased with the results and b)not at all rude and c)did not think paying was unfair. So. We settled things.

I have been going over this for weeks now, at times really really angry with her and the rudeness and the situation, at times feeling very guilty. Because of course there are mistakes and everything isn't perfect, but it's the best I could do.

I keep going back to her wording. Unfair. Is it unfair to pay for a service you hired? Isn't that a weird complaint? Let me go back a bit. I started their project on February 2014. It never really got finished. I ran into her around October? November? last year, and she looked pregnant. I congratulated her and told her I was pregnant too, and I felt truly very happy for them, because they had had a lot of problems with infertility. She didn't look super happy but I thought nothing of it. She said we should try and finish the project, and I got in touch with her again in December. She said her baby was very sick, and eventually, by the end of 2014, she let me know they had lost the pregnancy. I don't know how far along she was, but I was around 23 weeks in, and terrified of something going badly. Soon after that she called and told me they wanted to finish the project and start building it.

I know they really wanted a family. And I know it looks almost impossible now for them to get pregnant again. I think this is a really difficult time of the year for her, though I don't know the specifics. I suspect that having Baby Peanut around is just salt in the wound, and I feel awful, but I don't know what to say. I can't not bring baby Peanut with me. Maybe that is unprofessional. I wonder if this is why she thinks it's unfair. And I feel guilty, and scared. Because my baby made it, because I can't imagine losing him.

In the end I don't know for sure if she's truly angry at me (or us, my partner faced her rudeness quite a lot) or if she's lashing out because she's hurting. I wish I could say something, but... I supposs we're not friends. I presume too much, most likely. I feel guilty when I'm around her, running around with my six month old in tow.

I wish she knew I'm thinking about her baby too, and that I wish her peace. All I can do is hold Baby Peanut tighter, and hope I never have to face how unfair life can be.